Dealing with a Friend's Toxic Partner: Practical Steps and Expert Advice

Reality television often highlights conflicts, but real-life friendships face tougher tests than any on-screen drama. When a friend's partner rubs you the wrong way, finding a respectful path without burning bridges matters more than bold opinions.

Reality shows can spotlight disagreements, yet the real task is handling it with care in everyday life. When you can't stand a friend's partner, you can still support your friend while protecting your own well-being.

The scenario: what happened on screen

On the show, Chrishell Stause, now aged 43, has repeatedly raised concerns about Emma Hernan's relationship with property developer Blake Davis. She suggests early in the romance there were signs of intense focus and possible red flags, sometimes described as love bombing, where a partner showers attention and gifts to win trust rapidly.

Emma counters that she makes her own choices and wants her friends to support her, not police her relationship. The on-screen tension sparked online conversations about whether it's possible to remain friends with someone whose partner you dislike.

Real-life example

Hannah, who asked to remain anonymous, told INLIBER News about a similar situation with a close friend named Georgia. Georgia started dating someone quickly after meeting him and later became engaged. During a night out before the wedding, Georgia's fiancé made explicit comments to Hannah, making her uncomfortable and shocked.

When Hannah told Georgia, her friend minimized the incident, saying the fiancé often acts that way with others. This reaction strained their friendship and highlighted how hard it can be to support a friend facing a troubling dynamic.

What experts advise

Relationship guidance from Anna Williamson, a counsellor and dating expert on a popular UK dating show, emphasizes that you should avoid judging and lecturing. Judging can push your friend away, so finding the balance between care and restraint is key. Start a conversation by expressing concern without labeling the partner as toxic.

She suggests opening with something like: “I care about you a lot, and I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately.” Stick to observable facts and avoid phrases like “they’re toxic” or “they’re abusive.” If you want to spend time with your friend but limit exposure to their partner, propose a gentle compromise: “I really value our time together, but I need some space from your partner.”

Williamson also notes the importance of having your own support network, since looking out for a friend can be draining. Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar, a relationship and trauma counselor, adds that much of the tension on screen comes from behind-the-scenes gossip and later confrontations, so avoid spreading rumours and keep conversations private to prevent misinterpretation.

Can you stay civil if you disagree?

Disagreements about politics or values with a partner can strain friendship. The experts advise respecting individual choices and maintaining civility if you want the friendship to continue. In cases where a partner's behavior is genuinely harmful or discriminatory, a different approach may be needed and the friendship may change or end, as in the real-life example where the distance grew between Hannah and her friend Georgia.

Conclusion

Ultimately, navigating a friend's partnership requires empathy, clear boundaries, and honest, private conversations. By focusing on observations, avoiding judgment, and protecting your well-being, you can often preserve the friendship or gracefully adjust its boundaries.

Expert comment: Treading this line is challenging but essential; approach concerns with care, avoid gossip, and set boundaries to protect both you and your friend.

Short summary: Real-life friendship tests demand tact, honest conversation, and healthy boundaries. Listen and observe, speak with care, and protect your own well-being while supporting the friend you care about. Sometimes disagreements lead to a stronger bond, other times a necessary distance remains.

Key insight: Approach concerns with care, avoid gossip, and set boundaries to preserve friendships. Source: BBC News