Five Toxic Breakup Tactics to Avoid in Healthy Relationships

Ending a relationship is tough, but some people dodge difficult talks by using toxic exit tactics. This guide outlines five common methods, how they operate, and how you can respond to protect your emotional well-being.

Benching

Benching means keeping the romance on hold while hoping to find someone better, without fully ending things. The person on the bench stays lightly involved while the other partner waits for real progress that never comes.

The term comes from the idea of a sports bench: you are a standby option, not the main choice. The bencher often sends mixed signals, promises future plans, or floods with messages, but real development stalls as long as there is a backup option elsewhere.

How to recognize

The key sign is ongoing inaction in real life. Plans stay vague, dates fade away, and you sense you are waiting for something that will never arrive. If you ask where the relationship is headed and the answer is unclear, you may be benched.

Banking

Banking describes a slow withdrawal from the relationship. The partner may say everything is fine while gradually reducing contact and emotional energy, until they disappear for good.

For example, a partner acts distant, cancels dates, and then stops replying or blocks you. The label borrows from banking: the person keeps the relationship as a tool, withdrawing with little notice.

How to recognize

Look for a pattern of calm assurances paired with growing detachment. Conversations become one-sided, plans are avoided, and commitment fades. If contact becomes sporadic and noncommittal, banking may be at play.

Ghosting

Ghosting is disappearing without explanation. The partner stops responding, vanishes from social media, and leaves you with no closure. Sometimes they truly relocate or disappear from life, which is a sudden shock.

How to recognize

If contact ends abruptly without a brief message explaining what happened, that is ghosting. It isn’t a temporary delay—it is a deliberate withdrawal.

Submarining

Submarining means sinking and resurfacing. The person disappears for a long stretch and then reappears as if nothing happened, avoiding accountability for the breakup.

How to recognize

A sudden return with casual explanations like "I needed some time" without addressing the past missteps signals submarining. True accountability would involve an honest discussion about the impact of their actions.

Scrooge-ing

Scrooge-ing is a breakup motivated by stinginess around gifts, time, or shared activities, often around holidays. The person ends things to avoid costs, then reconnects later for practical reasons.

It can also reflect a general reluctance to spend time, money, or care with a partner and their circle.

How to recognize

If your partner is unusually frugal, insists on tight budgets, and ends the relationship before holidays or big events, this could be scrooge-ing. A pattern of avoiding shared experiences is a warning sign.

Expert comment

Dr. Emily Carter, relationship psychologist, notes: "Healthy dating relies on honest conversations and mutual respect. Toxic break-up tactics shortcut closure and often cause lasting emotional harm."

Short summary

These tactics ease the exit for the person leaving but intensify pain for the one who stays. Recognizing the signs and demanding direct, respectful communication helps protect your well-being. If you notice these patterns repeatedly, consider ending contact and focusing on your own growth.

Key insight: Honest, respectful talk during endings protects both people from unnecessary pain.