Effective Ways to Discuss School Shootings with Your Children

Engaging in age-sensitive discussions to reduce anxiety

School shootings gained national attention following the tragic Columbine incident in 1999. In recent years, these events have unfortunately increased in frequency and severity.

Despite enhanced security measures in schools, such as armed personnel and police presence, studies show these actions do not necessarily improve student safety. In fact, a heightened police presence can sometimes lead to increased risks of harm and racial profiling, especially affecting Black students and students of color, which is paradoxical given that most school shooters are white males.

Additionally, while students often report feeling more prepared after lockdown drills, there is no conclusive evidence that these drills effectively protect students during actual shootings.

Lockdown drills, which simulate hiding from an active shooter, can be particularly frightening and stressful for younger children, as they confront the reality of potential danger.

Children may find it emotionally difficult to accept that adults might not always be able to protect them, leading to questions and strong feelings about these incidents. Many parents feel uncertain or anxious about how to approach these sensitive conversations.

This guide explores the psychological effects of school shootings on children and parents, and offers advice on how to discuss the topic with your child based on their developmental stage. It also includes valuable resources for additional support.

Understanding the Mental Health Impact of School Shootings on Children

According to the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM-5-TR), trauma-related diagnoses like post-traumatic stress disorder arise from experiences involving actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.

Children present during a school shooting meet the criteria for trauma exposure.

The DSM-5-TR outlines four ways trauma can occur:

• Directly experiencing the event (e.g., being injured during a shooting)
• Witnessing the event firsthand (seeing others harmed)
• Learning about trauma affecting close family or friends (hearing about injuries or deaths of loved ones)
• Repeated or extreme exposure to distressing details, such as first responders experience

It’s important to note that learning about traumatic events through media does not meet the official trauma criteria, although indirect exposure can still impact mental health.

Research shows that nearly 25% of people are significantly affected by media portrayals of violence, and social media exposure may increase mental health risks.

School Shootings and Community-Wide Trauma

Trauma from school shootings affects not just students but also their families and entire communities.

Between 2010 and 2020, nearly 250,000 children were physically present during school shootings. Communities impacted by such events report higher rates of depression, therapy needs, antidepressant use, youth suicide, and PTSD compared to unaffected areas.

How School Shootings Affect Parents’ Mental Well-being

The rise in school shootings has heightened parental anxiety about their children’s safety.

Manage Your Emotions Before Talking to Your Child

Parents should first process their own feelings by seeking support from friends or loved ones and developing coping strategies to remain a stable source of comfort for their children.

Limiting exposure to distressing news is essential. Avoid excessive media consumption and disengage when information no longer serves your well-being.

Guidance for Talking with Your Children

Bethany Rafferty, MS, MHC, offers key advice for discussing school shootings with children, recognizing the challenge this topic presents for many parents.

• Initiate the conversation: Ask your child if they have questions and gauge their understanding. Children often wait for adults to signal that it’s safe to talk about difficult subjects. If they’re not concerned, respect their lead but assure them you’re always available.
• Be truthful: Provide honest, age-appropriate answers. Avoid withholding information, as this can undermine trust and discourage future dialogue.
• Admit uncertainty: If you don’t know an answer, say so and offer to find out together using reliable sources.
• Express your feelings: Model healthy emotional communication by sharing your feelings honestly, helping your child feel safe to do the same.
• Encourage emotional expression: Invite your child to share their feelings without judgment. Correct any misinformation gently while validating their emotions.
• Develop coping resources: Discuss strategies like grounding exercises or breathing techniques to help your child manage anxiety at school.
• Limit media exposure: Keep news and violent content away from children to prevent unnecessary trauma. Ensure they receive information from trusted adults.

Talking with Elementary School Children

Elementary-aged kids think concretely and literally, so keep explanations simple and clear. They may experience emotions intensely, so ensure they feel comfortable before and after discussions by engaging in enjoyable activities.

Help them identify safe adults to approach and develop coping skills. Emphasize their strengths and growth to build confidence and resilience.

Supporting Middle Schoolers

Middle schoolers seek control as they develop their identities. They may be vulnerable to misinformation or harmful behaviors like rumor-spreading or acting out.

Guide them toward healthy ways to explore their feelings and environment, clarifying acceptable behaviors without shaming.

Engaging High School Students

Encourage teens to channel their feelings into positive actions, such as contacting elected officials, which fosters empowerment and purpose.

Since they often learn details independently, focus conversations on their emotional well-being rather than explaining facts.

Additional Resources

For further support navigating these conversations, consider reaching out to:

• American Psychological Association
• Center for Child Counseling
• Child Mind Institute
• Children’s Hospital Colorado
• National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement

Explore related topics such as gun violence and mental health to deepen your understanding.

Our content is backed by high-quality, peer-reviewed research to provide trustworthy guidance.

By Amy Marschall, PsyD
Dr. Amy Marschall is a clinical psychologist specializing in neurodiverse children and adolescents, certified in trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy and telemental health.

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