Understanding Cupioromanticism: Desire Without Romantic Attraction
Explore the meaning of cupioromanticism—when someone desires a romantic relationship but experiences little to no romantic attraction. Discover key insights and relationship advice here.
Imagine appreciating romance in theory but not feeling romantic attraction yourself...
A cupioromantic individual is someone who yearns for a romantic relationship yet experiences little or no romantic attraction. They may seek the closeness, companionship, or emotional support that comes with a partnership without feeling romantic emotions.
Cupioromanticism is a relatively new romantic orientation, distinct from sexual orientations like heterosexual or homosexual. It falls under the broader category of aromanticism—where a person experiences minimal or no romantic attraction.
Quick Overview
Cupioromanticism describes those who desire a romantic relationship but do not experience romantic attraction. They may fall in love for reasons such as companionship, family planning, or exclusivity rather than traditional romantic feelings.
Self-awareness is crucial for cupioromantics to understand and communicate their unique desires clearly, both for themselves and their partners. Honesty about relationship expectations fosters healthier connections.
How to Identify if You Are Cupioromantic
The term 'cupioromantic' combines the Latin word "cupio," meaning "desire," with "romantic." It refers to individuals who long for romance but do not feel romantic attraction themselves.
Emerging in the 2010s with its pride flag introduced in 2020, cupioromanticism is a recent addition to romantic orientation terminology. Unlike asexuality, cupioromantics can experience sexual attraction but lack romantic attraction.
For example, Mac Scotty McGregor, co-founder and executive director of Positive Masculinity, explains that cupioromantics may seek relationships for companionship or shared life goals rather than romantic feelings.
McGregor shares a story of a couple where one partner identified as cupioromantic. Their relationship thrived through open communication and creative problem-solving to meet each other’s needs.
Embracing Self-Discovery
Understanding your orientation is vital, especially in a society that often prioritizes romantic love. Cupioromantics benefit from reflecting on their feelings and desires, even when they differ from societal norms.
Ask yourself:
Do you experience crushes?
Cupioromantics typically have few or no romantic crushes throughout their lives.
Are romantic gestures appealing to you?
While they may enjoy the idea of dating, actual romantic gestures might feel neutral or even off-putting.
Do you enjoy romance in theory?
Cupioromantics often appreciate romantic media like comedies or novels but doubt engaging in similar relationships personally.
Do you desire a relationship without romantic attraction?
They may want relationships for closeness, sexual intimacy, or partnership but not experience romantic attraction toward others.
Accepting your unique romantic orientation is empowering. Different preferences don’t diminish the validity of your feelings.
Building Relationships as a Cupioromantic
Cupioromantics face distinct joys and challenges when pursuing romantic relationships.
One challenge is societal expectation that relationships involve romantic feelings. This can cause misunderstandings or distance if partners expect romance that isn’t felt.
Insights from Mac Scotty McGregor, Executive Director at Positive Masculinity
“The positive aspect is companionship—you find shared interests and build a strong bond, even if it lacks the typical romantic 'tingle,'” McGregor explains.
He emphasizes the importance of honesty: “Being upfront about your cupioromantic identity helps avoid confusion and fosters mutual understanding.”
Cupioromantics value closeness and compatibility, demonstrating that meaningful relationships don’t always require romantic attraction.
Clear communication about desires and boundaries is key. Even if you’re unsure about your orientation, sharing your feelings openly with your partner builds trust and emotional intimacy.
McGregor recommends gently introducing the concept of cupioromanticism to partners and encouraging open dialogue to cultivate empathy and connection.
Dispelling Myths and Embracing Diversity
Common misconceptions include assuming cupioromantics lack sexual interest or confusing them with lithromantics, who experience romantic attraction but do not desire reciprocation.
Another myth is that cupioromantics can be "changed" to feel romance, which is untrue. Romantic orientations are inherent and unalterable.
Promoting awareness and respect for diverse romantic orientations encourages acceptance. McGregor advises:
Educate Yourself
“Learning about various identities broadens perspectives and reduces stigma,” he says.
Recognize Our Shared Humanity
“Differences are not threats but opportunities to grow. Understanding comes with exposure and openness,” McGregor adds.
Conclusion
Cupioromanticism enriches the spectrum of romantic orientations by describing those who desire romance without feeling romantic attraction. Recognizing and respecting this orientation helps build inclusive communities.
Everyone’s romantic journey is unique. By educating ourselves and embracing diversity, we create a world where all orientations are valued, and everyone deserves love and understanding.
Glossary of Essential Sexual Identity Terms
- Living Well
- Sexual Identity
Sources:
- Henderson Springs LGBT+ Center. LGBT Online Resource: Terms, Culture, Definitions. Appalachian State.
- Exton R. How to know if you’re cupioromantic: Meaning & relationships. HER.
- Barnes S. 6 Signs You Might Be Cupioromantic & What It Really Means. MindBodyGreen.
By Cynthia Vinney, PhD
Cynthia Vinney, PhD, is a media psychology expert and published scholar with work featured in peer-reviewed journals.
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