Understanding Aromanticism: What It Truly Means to Be Aromantic

Aromantic individuals do not experience romantic attraction.

An aromantic person typically feels little to no romantic attraction toward any gender and generally lacks interest in pursuing romantic relationships. Romantic attraction involves a desire for emotional connection and intimacy with a partner, though the precise definition of a romantic relationship varies from person to person.

Aromanticism stands in contrast to alloromanticism, which is characterized by the desire to engage in romantic relationships.

Often abbreviated as “aro,” aromanticism is included in the LGBTQIA+ acronym where “A” also represents asexuality and agender identities. While exact statistics are limited, research indicates that about 1% of people identify as asexual, with approximately 25% of those also identifying as aromantic.

Explore more about aromanticism, its impact on relationships, and mental health guidance for aromantic individuals. Additionally, find advice on supporting aromantic family members or friends.

Recognizing Signs of Aromanticism

Every individual’s experience with romance and relationships is unique, and aromantic people may have varying feelings about physical and emotional intimacy. Since romance is subjective, definitions differ between individuals.

Possible indicators of being aromantic include:

• Absence of romantic attraction feelings.
• Feeling complete and fulfilled without a romantic relationship.
• Lack of experiences such as crushes or falling in love.
• Difficulty relating to romantic narratives or stories.

Aromanticism exists on a spectrum, with some experiencing no romantic attraction at all, while others may feel it occasionally depending on context and personal circumstances.

Can Aromantic People Experience Love?

Yes, aromantic individuals can feel love. Being aromantic does not imply an absence of love; many experience profound love for family and friends. Research also suggests that aromantic individuals may still have sexual desires and seek meaningful connections. While romantic feelings might be absent, deep and lasting bonds with others are common.

Aromanticism Compared to Asexuality

Though some aromantic people identify as asexual, these terms are not interchangeable. Asexuality refers to a lack of sexual attraction, whereas aromanticism relates to the absence of romantic attraction. Some asexual individuals desire romantic relationships, and some aromantic individuals may desire sexual intimacy.

The distinction between romantic and sexual orientations is complex and understudied, partly because these attractions often overlap, complicating research efforts.

The Aromantic Spectrum Explained

Aromanticism and asexuality fall under the broader asexual spectrum. While many aromantic individuals are also asexual, people of various sexual orientations may identify as aromantic, such as aromantic bisexuals, lesbians, or gay men.

Other identities within the aromantic spectrum include:

• Gray-romantic or gray-sexual: Individuals who experience limited romantic or sexual attraction under specific conditions.
• Demiromantic or demisexual: Those who develop romantic or sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional connection.
• Lithromantic or akoiromantic: People who feel romantic attraction but prefer it not to be reciprocated; if returned, their attraction diminishes.
• Recipromantic or reciprosexual: Individuals who experience attraction only when they know it is mutual.

Relationships Among Aromantic Individuals

Aromantic people can engage in intimate or sexual relationships, which may differ from traditional romantic partnerships.

These relationships might include exclusivity, cohabitation, affection, and sexual activity. Aromantic individuals can marry, have children, and build families.

• Relationships may be motivated by factors beyond romance, such as the desire for companionship or family.
• Aromantic people often seek affection, care, emotional support, and commitment without romantic or sexual attraction.
• Connections may be based on shared interests, respect, or emotional closeness, often resembling platonic love rather than romantic love.

What Is Aromantic Dating?

Some aromantic individuals participate in queer-platonic partnerships (QPPs), which are committed, platonic relationships featuring similar levels of commitment as romantic partnerships, including living together and joint decision-making.

Challenges Faced by Aromantic People

Societal norms often pressure individuals to seek romantic partnerships, marriage, and children, creating challenges for aromantic people who do not share these desires.

Those who do not conform may face pressure to settle down or feel marginalized as if something is wrong or that they are missing out.

Media’s focus on romance can also be challenging, as some aromantic individuals may feel indifferent or uncomfortable with romance-centric content.

Understanding Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity describes societal expectations that prioritize romantic relationships, marriage, and monogamy. This norm can stigmatize singlehood and pressure individuals into unhealthy relationships.

How to Support Aromantic Individuals

If you have an aromantic friend or family member, consider these ways to be supportive:

• Respect their romantic orientation by listening and accommodating their needs.
• Avoid dismissing their feelings or pressuring them to change or engage in romantic situations.
• Refrain from assumptions or stereotypes, and ask permission before discussing their experiences.

Self-Care for Aromantic Individuals

Aromantic people may face stigma and misconceptions, such as being perceived as unloving or expected to eventually develop romantic feelings. These myths can cause isolation or pressure to conform.

Accessing Support

Explore trusted online therapy platforms like Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain to find mental health support tailored to your needs.

While romantic relationships might not be desired, nurturing strong social bonds outside of romance is vital for mental health. Remember, all forms of love are valuable.

Do not feel compelled to engage in romantic or sexual situations that make you uncomfortable due to external expectations.

Summary

Contrary to misconceptions, aromantic individuals have diverse experiences and feelings. Some enjoy physical intimacy, some seek commitment without romance, and others prefer no romantic involvement at all.

If you suspect you are aromantic, trust your feelings and choose how to express them. For additional information and resources, consider visiting:

• AACE (Asexual & Aromantic Community and Education) Club
• Aromanticism FAQ by Aurea, the Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy
• The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project
• A Handbook for Coming Out by The Trevor Project, offering guidance for LGBTQIA+ youth

For support with coming out, relationships, bullying, or self-harm, contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 for peer assistance.

Additional mental health resources can be found in our National Helpline Database.

Explore more about questioning sexuality and related topics through resources on Living Well and Sexual Identity.

References

1. LGBT Center at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.
2. Antonsen AN, Zdaniuk B, Yule M, Brotto LA. Ace and aro: understanding differences in romantic attractions among persons identifying as asexual. Arch Sex Behav. 2020;49(5):1615-1630. doi:10.1007/s10508-019-01600-1
3. Fischer NL, Seidman S. Introducing the New Sexuality Studies. Routledge; 2016.
4. Bogaert AF. Understanding Asexuality. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc; 2012.
5. Pasquier M. Explore the spectrum: guide to finding your ace community. GLAAD.
6. Miller SJ, ed. Glossary of terms: defining a common queer language. Teaching, Affirming, and Recognizing Trans and Gender Creative Youth. London: Palgrave Macmillan; 2016. doi:10.1057/978-1-137-56766-6
7. Brake E. Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law. New York: Oxford University Press; 2012.
8. Singal J. The new science of single people. The Cut.
9. AUREA. A beginner’s guide to being an aromantic ally.

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd
Kendra Cherry is a psychosocial rehabilitation expert, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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