9 Reasons the Abuse Cycle Persists

Understanding Why Survivors Sometimes Become Perpetrators

Individuals who endured sexual abuse during childhood often face an increased likelihood of encountering abusive dynamics in their adult relationships, encompassing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. In certain instances, survivors may themselves become abusers, perpetuating what is known as the cycle of abuse.

Comprehending why someone who suffered sexual abuse as a child might engage in abusive relationships later in life can be challenging. The transformation from victim to abuser can stem from various factors, such as familiarity with abuse patterns or attempts to reclaim lost power. Additionally, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or inflated self-importance may contribute to this cycle.

Summary Overview

The abuse cycle often results in survivors either continuing abusive behaviors or becoming entangled in abusive relationships during adulthood. Multiple factors influence the persistence of this cycle.

Those who experienced childhood sexual abuse may struggle with confusing associations between affection and harm. Challenges with anger management, trust issues, control, and insecurity are common. It is crucial to note that not all survivors face these outcomes, as individual experiences vary.

1. Familiarity Breeds Continuity

When abuse becomes intertwined with early perceptions of “love,” feelings of shame and anger may merge with sexual emotions, causing confusion. These mixed emotions can be misinterpreted as love or passion, leading to sexual arousal linked to abusive experiences.

Survivors often may not recognize that healthy, nurturing relationships are attainable. They might feel connected to their abuser, believing in a special bond rooted in early imprints of intimacy associated with abuse. Consequently, during later abusive relationships, familiar emotions of shame and anger are mistaken for love and passion.

Key Point

Early abuse experiences can create lasting associations that influence adult relationship dynamics.

2. An Effort to Heal Through Control

Survivors might attempt to regain power by re-enacting relationships with abusers, hoping to 'correct' past trauma. By taking on the role of the abuser, they try to overcome feelings of helplessness experienced during childhood.

Unfortunately, this approach often fails, resulting in repeated dominance over others without true healing.

Key Point

The cycle may represent an unconscious attempt to heal trauma or reclaim control.

3. Deep-Seated Feelings of Inadequacy

Some survivors internalize beliefs that they are undeserving of genuine love and care, fostering submissiveness and difficulty accepting healthy relationships. Abusers may have instilled the false notion that the survivor deserved mistreatment—an untrue and harmful belief.

4. Compensating Through Grandiosity

Conversely, some survivors combat feelings of worthlessness by developing an inflated sense of superiority. This can hinder their ability to respect others as equals and to form mutually loving relationships. They may simultaneously feel superior to some and inferior to others, engaging in complex abusive dynamics.

Key Point

Abuse can impair empathy, leading to superiority complexes that obstruct healthy adult relationships.

5. Sexual Arousal Linked to Abuse

While sexual arousal is a normal response, survivors whose early sexual experiences involved abuse might associate arousal with abusive behavior. This does not imply consent or enjoyment of abuse, and not all survivors experience this phenomenon.

6. Underlying Anger Expression

Survivors often harbor significant anger about their abuse, which may manifest through abusive behaviors as a form of expression. Even suppressed anger can emerge subtly or overtly in intimate relationships or parenting.

7. Persistent Insecurity

Feeling that abuse and pain are unavoidable, survivors might view sexual relationships as threatening, responding with avoidance or hostility. Early abuse can foster an avoidant attachment style, leading to difficulties in forming close adult relationships and sometimes provoking anger when intimacy is attempted.

Key Point

Insecurity from abuse can impair trust and provoke defensive behaviors in relationships.

8. Seeking Intensity to Feel Alive

Childhood sexual trauma can cause survivors to associate intense emotions with pleasure. This may lead to attraction toward risky or abusive situations to experience the heightened sensations necessary for arousal or orgasm.

9. Escaping Pain Through Fantasy

Due to the profound pain of abuse, survivors may retreat into fantasy worlds, idealizing abusers or others. Disappointment when reality falls short can result in abusive behavior toward others.

Final Thoughts

Many factors influence the risk of becoming abusive or being abused, including childhood sexual abuse, substance use disorders, mental health issues, lack of social support, and socioeconomic pressures. Experiencing childhood abuse does not predetermine abusive behavior.

If you fear engaging in abusive behavior, seek professional help from healthcare providers or therapists who can connect you with psychotherapy and support groups.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support.

For additional mental health resources, visit our National Helpline Database.

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Further Reading:

• Canning M. Lust, Anger, Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy. Sourcebooks.

Written by Elizabeth Hartney, BSc, MSc, MA, PhD – Psychologist, Professor, and Director of the Centre for Health Leadership and Research at Royal Roads University, Canada.

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