2025 Insights: Do Men and Women Experience Sexuality Differently? Myths vs. Reality

Many of us grow up surrounded by myths about sexuality. Today, we’re breaking down one major misconception: the belief that men and women experience sexuality in completely different ways.

Understanding Sexuality: More Than Just Labels

Sexuality encompasses how we relate to our bodies, sexual behaviors, and relationships. It far exceeds simple categories like “gay” or “straight,” involving multiple factors including:

• Biological sex assigned at birth and gender socialization
• Gender identity
• Sexual and romantic orientations
• Values and cultural beliefs around sex
• Libido, arousal, and physical responses
• Sexual preferences, kinks, and fetishes
• Personal relationship with body and pleasure
• History of trauma and past experiences

Defining 'Men' and 'Women' Inclusively

When discussing differences in sexuality, many studies focus solely on cisgender individuals—those whose gender identity matches their birth-assigned sex. However, we include transgender, non-binary, and gender nonconforming individuals to present a more comprehensive view.

Sex is not the same as gender. Cisgender means alignment of gender identity and birth sex, while transgender and nonbinary identities reflect a spectrum beyond this alignment.

For clarity, “men” and “women” in this article refer to all individuals who identify as such, regardless of cis or trans status.

What Research Reveals About Sexual Differences

While existing studies mostly examine cisgender men and women, findings indicate that men tend to exhibit higher sexual interest, associate aggression more with sexuality, prioritize less commitment, and show less fluid sexual orientation over time.

Yet, these traits are heavily influenced by cultural upbringing and socialization rather than biology alone, according to Dr. Sarah Melancon, clinical sexologist.

Impact of Anatomy and Gender Socialization

Anatomy affects sexual mechanics and orgasmic experience. For example, people with vulvas often report the ability to have multiple orgasms, whereas those with penises usually experience longer refractory periods.

Social teachings often encourage boys to embrace sexuality openly while encouraging girls to be more reserved, contributing to a “sexual double standard” that shapes behaviors and expectations.

“Manhood is often tied to sexual freedom, whereas womanhood is linked to sexual restraint,” explains Melancon.

This dynamic can lead to men feeling pressured to have multiple partners and suppress emotional needs, while women may face shame around sexual expression.

Clearing Up Common Questions on Gender and Sexuality

Masturbation is Universal

Masturbation is a natural exploration of sexuality enjoyed by people of all genders. Normalizing female and nonbinary masturbation is important to promote sexual health and pleasure.

Sexual Enjoyment is Not Gender-Determined

Contrary to myths, people of every gender can enjoy or dislike sex. Preferences and orientations vary widely and are better indicators of sexual interest than gender alone.

Sexual Pleasure and Orgasm Experience Across Genders

Research shows orgasm sensations feel remarkably similar among cisgender men and women, characterized by pleasure, relaxation, intimacy, and intense physical sensations.

Sexual Dysfunction: Similarities and Differences

Low sexual interest is common across genders, though specific challenges like premature ejaculation or vaginal dryness tend to vary based on anatomy.

Beyond Gender: Factors Shaping Sexual Experience

Culture, Religion, and Upbringing

Beliefs instilled by culture and religion profoundly influence attitudes toward sex, often imposing strict rules or stigma that affect sexual expression throughout life.

Trauma Impacts

Trauma—including birth complications, accidents, abuse, or sexual trauma—can disrupt trust and intimacy, causing challenges during sexual activity.

Mental Health Effects

Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and stress influence sexual desire and pleasure by affecting the nervous system and hormones.

For Further Exploration

For those seeking deeper understanding, these books provide valuable insights into masculinity, sexuality, and gender dynamics:

• "Dude You’re A Fag" by C.J. Pascoe
• "To Raise A Boy" by Emma Brown
• "Boys & Sex" and "Girls & Sex" by Peggy Orenstein
• "Female Masculinity" by Jack Halberstam
• "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist passionate about helping people embrace their bodies. Her work appears in numerous health and lifestyle publications. Outside of writing, she coaches CrossFit, reviews pleasure products, hikes with her dog, and co-hosts the “Bad In Bed” podcast. Follow her on Instagram @Gabriellekassel.

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