10 ADD Behaviors That May Strain Your Marriage

Author Sheri Stritof brings over two decades of expertise in marriage and relationship guidance. She is also the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book.

Many adults only recognize their own attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) after their child receives a diagnosis. This revelation often helps spouses understand that certain behaviors affecting their marriage stem from ADD symptoms rather than a lack of care or effort.

Identifying these behaviors is a crucial first step toward fostering empathy and improving your relationship. Below, we outline several ADD-related behaviors that can challenge marriages, along with resources and strategies to support a healthy partnership.

Understanding ADD vs. ADHD

The term ADD was officially used until 1987 when it was updated to ADHD, encompassing three types: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined presentation. While ADD and ADHD are often used interchangeably, ADHD is the current clinical term.

Common Challenging Behaviors in Spouses with ADD

Individuals with ADD may exhibit behaviors that unintentionally strain their marriage, including:

Inattention and Difficulty Completing Tasks

Spouses with ADD might appear disorganized and overlook household responsibilities. Often, this stems from inattentiveness rather than unwillingness to contribute.

Frequent Interruptions

Interrupting conversations is common and can make partners feel unheard or reluctant to engage. This behavior may also cause embarrassment in social settings.

Easy Distractibility

Maintaining focus during important discussions can be tough for someone with ADD, leading to frustration for partners seeking full attention.

Nagging as a Reaction

While nagging isn't a direct ADD symptom, partners may resort to it out of frustration, which can further strain the relationship. The nagging partner often feels stuck between wanting cooperation and feeling exhausted.

Financial Challenges

ADD can affect financial stability due to impulsive spending, missed bill payments, job instability, or difficulty discussing money issues.

Assuming a Parental Role

Partners without ADD may find themselves reminding their spouse about medication, appointments, birthdays, and tasks, which can feel more like parenting than partnership.

Sexual Relationship Difficulties

Research indicates that individuals with ADHD often experience lower sexual satisfaction and more dysfunction, despite higher sexual desire. Risky sexual behaviors may also be more common.

Decision-Making Difficulties

ADHD can impair decision-making processes, making it challenging for affected spouses to navigate choices together.

Feeling Ignored

When a spouse immerses themselves in activities like gaming or projects, their partner might feel neglected, even if the spouse doesn’t perceive the relationship as troubled.

Increased Tension and Unease

ADHD symptoms can contribute to argumentative behaviors, causing partners to feel like they must walk on eggshells to maintain peace.

These examples highlight common ADD-related behaviors that may impact marriages but are not exhaustive.

The Impact of ADD or ADHD on Marriage

Living with a spouse who has ADD can lead to feelings of overwhelm, resentment, and frustration, especially if the diagnosis is denied or used to justify harmful behaviors. Adults with ADD often struggle with distraction, which can cause ongoing conflicts and contribute to unstable romantic relationships. However, with support, positive change is achievable.

Seeking Support for ADD in Marriage

Despite challenges, couples can build fulfilling marriages through accurate diagnosis, treatment, and collaborative coping strategies. Mental health professionals specializing in ADHD can guide both partners toward better understanding and communication.

Educational resources can also empower couples. Recommended books include:

• ADHD in Marriage: Real and Proven Ways to Keep Your Marriage Thriving Despite the Chaos, Overcome Denial, and Insulate Your Relationship from Stress by Dr. Melody Dawson
• A Complicated Romance: ADHD in Marriage and Its Impact on Relationships by L. William Ross-Child M.C.
• ADHD 2.0 Effect on Marriage: Target 7 Days. Turn Anger into Love by Margaret Hampton
• Married to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, Sue George Hallowell, LICSW, and Melisa Orlov
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov
• Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder by Gina Pera

For further reading, explore topics on Living Well and Relationships.

Trusted Sources

Our insights are supported by high-quality, peer-reviewed research to ensure accuracy and reliability.

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By Sheri Stritof
Sheri Stritof has over 20 years of experience writing about marriage and relationships and co-authored The Everything Great Marriage Book.

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