Understanding Disenfranchised Grief: 22 Key Examples, Signs, and Healing Strategies

Grief is a natural response to loss, an emotional journey we all face at some point in life.

Yet, sometimes grief comes with an added layer of guilt or confusion. You might question whether your sadness over losing a job is valid when your health remains intact, or feel hesitant to mourn a beloved pet because others say, “It’s not like losing a child.”

Regardless of the type of loss, your grief is genuine and deserves recognition.

Unfortunately, society often overlooks certain kinds of grief, making it difficult to express your emotions or begin healing.

Disenfranchised grief—also called hidden or unacknowledged grief—occurs when your sorrow is dismissed or invalidated by social expectations. This lack of recognition can make processing your feelings especially challenging.

Here’s an in-depth guide to understanding disenfranchised grief, its common forms, and practical tips for healing.

Recognizing Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief often appears in five main ways, though it can extend beyond these examples.

Unacknowledged Relationships

If your relationship was private or unconventional, expressing grief after a loss can feel complicated. Others might struggle to understand mourning someone you never met or whose connection was hidden.

Examples include:

• LGBTQ+ individuals grieving a partner in secrecy due to safety concerns
• Polyamorous partners mourning non-primary relationships unknown to others
• Loss of a casual partner, close ex, or friend with benefits
• Grieving an online friend or pen pal
• Mourning someone you never met, such as an absent parent or unknown sibling

Losses Seen as ‘Less Significant’

Not all losses involve death, yet they can cause profound sorrow. Society may downplay breakups, estrangements, or other non-death losses, even though they deeply impact us.

Non-death losses include:

• An adoption that falls through
• Dementia or Alzheimer’s progression
• Loss of cherished possessions or your homeland
• Loss of safety, independence, or years due to abuse or neglect
• Declining health or mobility

Grief over the death of a mentor, patient, pet, coworker, or honorary family member is also often minimized.

Losses Surrounded by Stigma

When your loss is linked to stigma, others may expect you to grieve in isolation, leaving you feeling ashamed or misunderstood.

Examples include losses related to:

• Infertility
• Suicide or overdose
• Abortion
• Miscarriage or stillbirth
• Estrangement due to addiction, mental illness, or cognitive decline
• Death of a loved one involved in crime or incarceration

Grief following an abortion is particularly complex, as societal disregard and personal feelings about the decision can both invalidate the mourning process.

Exclusion from Mourning

Some people feel they have less right to grieve if the deceased wasn’t a romantic partner or immediate family member.

However, it’s completely natural to mourn anyone you shared a meaningful bond with, such as:

• Best friends
• Extended family members
• Classmates
• Ex-partners

Assumptions that children, individuals with cognitive or developmental disabilities, or those with serious mental health issues cannot grieve also contribute to disenfranchisement.

Grief That Defies Social Expectations

Society often has unspoken “rules” about how grief should be expressed, such as visible sadness, withdrawal, loss of appetite, or increased sleep.

If your grief manifests differently—through anger, emotional numbness, increased busyness, or substance use—others may misunderstand or invalidate your experience.

Everyone processes loss uniquely, and expecting a single way to grieve dismisses the diverse ways people cope.

The Impact of Dismissed Grief

When your grief is ignored or minimized, it can hinder your ability to move through the natural stages of mourning.

Alongside common grief emotions like sadness and anger, disenfranchised grief may lead to:

• Sleep disturbances
• Substance misuse
• Anxiety and depression
• Physical symptoms such as muscle tension or stomach issues
• Lowered self-esteem and feelings of shame

Additional challenges include relationship difficulties, trouble concentrating, emotional overwhelm, and mood swings.

Lack of social support can make it hard to take time off work or school to heal. If others tell you that your sadness is unjustified, you may begin to doubt your feelings, leading to self-disenfranchisement and prolonged distress.

Effective Ways to Cope

Grief is complex and personal—there’s no “right” way to navigate it. Here are some strategies to help you cope with disenfranchised grief.

Find Supportive Connections

Some people may not validate your grief, but seek out those who understand and empathize.

Reach out to friends or family who:

• Knew about your relationship with the person or pet you lost
• Have experienced a similar loss
• Listen without judgment or minimization
• Validate your feelings and experiences

Anonymous or online support groups can also provide valuable community and understanding.

Create Personalized Mourning Rituals

Rituals can offer closure and help process grief, especially when traditional ceremonies aren’t available.

Consider rituals like:

• Boxing up belongings after a breakup
• Writing a farewell letter
• Planting a tree in memory of your loved one
• Making a photo collage or keepsake
• Holding a private memorial in a meaningful location

Communicate Your Needs

Your loved ones may want to support you but feel unsure how. Don’t hesitate to ask for specific help or companionship.

Examples of requests include:

• “Could you stay with me for a while? I don’t want to be alone.”
• “Can you help me find something to distract myself?”
• “I’d like to talk about it. Are you willing to listen?”

Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes grief requires the guidance of mental health professionals, especially disenfranchised grief which can be harder to overcome alone.

Therapists and grief counselors can:

• Validate your emotions and normalize your experience
• Provide a safe, nonjudgmental space to express grief
• Offer resources for peer support or self-help groups

Unresolved grief can lead to complicated grief or depression. Consider professional support if:

• Your grief persists without improvement
• You experience mood swings or emotional difficulties
• Physical symptoms remain unresolved
• You have thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Also seek help if grief impacts your daily responsibilities, relationships, or enjoyment of life.

If You Need Immediate Help

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self-harm urges, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-HELP (4357). This 24/7 hotline connects you with local mental health resources and support, even if you lack insurance.

Final Thoughts

Grieving becomes even more difficult when others minimize or ignore your pain. Remember, all grief is valid—no one can dictate how you should feel.

Seek comfort in those who support and uplift you during your healing journey.

Crystal Raypole is a writer and editor with a passion for mental health advocacy, Asian languages, and literature. She is dedicated to reducing stigma around mental health and supporting those navigating complex emotional experiences.

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