Avoid These Toxic Phrases When Supporting Someone in Crisis

Insincere words of support can be more damaging than open confrontation.

Words to Avoid When Consoling Someone

Many phrases have become automatic responses. We often say them without thinking, risking making the situation worse instead of better.

1. "I Told You So"

Context matters. If you encouraged someone and things turned out well, this phrase might be harmless. But it's often said when things go wrong, making the person feel even worse.

Meaning: I don't want to listen to you; you're responsible for your problems. It often carries a subtle sense of triumph and competition: "I know better, and you messed up again."

Ksenia Nesiutina

Psychologist, Head of Online Parenting School

If the person isn't your worst enemy, hold back your satisfaction and don't kick someone when they're down.

2. "I'm Just Trying to Help"

Parents often use this phrase to justify intrusive behavior toward their adult children. It seems innocent, even conciliatory, but it actually forbids anger and encourages accepting boundary violations, suppressing personal desires. It's a form of manipulation best avoided.

3. "If I Were You..."

You’re fortunate to be in your position and can afford to advise others. However, even if your advice is good, the person has already acted differently. Rehashing the situation is like picking at a wound—it won’t heal. Plus, you weren’t in their shoes and can’t know what you’d do.

4. "Just Keep Busy and You’ll Feel Better"

Low mood or fatigue often stems from more than boredom or laziness, including medical reasons.

While it may seem like support, emotional states don’t always improve with activity.

Oleg Ivanov

Psychologist, Conflict Resolution Specialist

Telling someone to "just do something" can worsen their feelings by adding guilt for not being able to cheer up, leading them to withdraw and stop sharing their struggles.

5. "Well, You’re in Trouble Now!"

Though it may sound like stating a fact, this phrase can intensify feelings of helplessness and despair, especially when coming from close acquaintances.

6. "You Don’t Have to Listen, But I’ll Say It Anyway"

At first glance, this seems like offering an opinion with a choice. In reality, the listener is often left no real option and is implicitly labeled as foolish if they don’t comply. It’s a way to break personal boundaries.

Usually, this comes from someone overwhelmed by anger, envy, or resentment, who vents these emotions onto you like dumping a bucket of waste.

Ksenia Nesiutina

7. "It’s Not a Big Deal!"

Dismissing someone’s pain with phrases like "Why worry about that?" invalidates their feelings and suggests their suffering isn’t serious enough to be taken seriously.

If you want to help, acknowledge the problem as it is, even if it seems minor to you.

8. "Maybe It Happened for a Reason"

This implies misfortunes occur due to a higher purpose, karma, or cosmic justice. While comforting, this belief is false. Bad things happen randomly, and sometimes the guilty live well.

Don’t relieve your anxiety by blaming the person for their misfortune.

This indirect blame can deepen their depression and guilt.

Natalia Fedorenko

Practicing Psychologist and YouDo Service Provider

9. "If He Does That Again, I’ll Kill Him!"

While meant to show protection, such threats can backfire. If taken literally, you risk serious consequences, and the person in trouble may stop confiding in you, viewing you as a source of danger rather than support.

10. "He Wouldn’t Do That! What Did You Do to Him?"

When a child reports abuse or a worker complains about harassment, this question implies blame on the victim. It stems from belief in a just world and respect for authority but results in impunity for abusers and vulnerability for victims.

How to Support Someone in Trouble

Note that unhelpful phrases reflect the speaker’s mindset, not the person suffering. Whether the speaker doubts or tries to convince themselves that such things won’t happen to them, the listener is merely a bystander in their drama.

If you truly want to help, focus on the person’s feelings. They are in pain, even if you don’t see the problem as significant. The best approach is to listen—if they want to share—and show understanding, empathy, and non-judgment.

• "This is a terrible situation."
• "I understand how hard this is for you."
• "I’m on your side; you can count on me."
• "You’re not to blame; this could happen to anyone."
• "That must be very painful."

Pay attention to their needs and avoid unsolicited advice. Simply ask how you can help. Often, just knowing someone is there makes a big difference.

Sometimes, you don’t need words—just be present.

Discover engaging topics and analytical content in Inspiring Categories as of 08-04-2021. The article titled " Avoid These Toxic Phrases When Supporting Someone in Crisis " provides new insights and practical guidance in the Inspiring Categories field. Each topic is meticulously analyzed to deliver actionable information to readers.

The topic " Avoid These Toxic Phrases When Supporting Someone in Crisis " helps you make smarter decisions within the Inspiring Categories category. All topics on our website are unique and offer valuable content for our audience.