7 Clear Indicators You're Experiencing Emotional Manipulation in Your Relationship

Plus, learn how to effectively respond

Emotional manipulation in relationships involves one person using psychological tactics and emotional exploitation to influence and dominate another. Their goal is to gain control and power to fulfill their desires.

A manipulative individual is aware of your vulnerabilities and exploits them. As long as they achieve their aims, the manipulation will persist until you consciously decide to stop it. Ending this dynamic can be difficult, so seeking support is highly recommended, especially when dealing with someone who is repeatedly manipulative.

Quick Overview

Identifying manipulation in your relationship can be challenging because it often starts subtly. Over time, manipulative actions may become normalized in your partner’s behavior. Continue reading to understand the warning signs of emotional manipulation and learn practical steps to counteract it.

Recognizing Emotional Manipulation in Relationships

If you frequently feel emotionally exhausted, anxious, scared, or uncertain about your own feelings and needs, you might be facing emotional manipulation. Trust your intuition when assessing these experiences.

Manipulative behavior can manifest through various tactics, including:

• Gaslighting
• Passive-aggressive actions
• Deception and blame-shifting
• Threats and coercion
• Emotional withdrawal and withholding
• Social isolation

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Gaslighting: Undermining Your Reality

A gaslighter distorts the truth, blames you unfairly, and dismisses your emotions. They might say things like, "You're imagining things," or "You're overreacting."

This tactic aims to invalidate your feelings and make you question your perceptions. Gaslighters deny their faults and seek to control your thoughts and actions.

If you notice feeling confused, self-critical, or doubting your own judgment after interactions with someone, gaslighting may be occurring.

Passive-Aggressive Communication

Instead of expressing feelings openly, a passive-aggressive partner may avoid direct communication. They might dodge conversations or use sarcasm to express displeasure indirectly.

Examples include exaggerated sighs, pouting, or sulking to provoke you into asking what’s wrong instead of stating their concerns clearly.

Chronic Lying and Blame-Shifting

Manipulative individuals often refuse to accept responsibility. They may lie blatantly or exaggerate events to appear favorable, frequently turning the blame onto you to create self-doubt—another form of gaslighting.

While minor "white lies" are common, manipulative lies are intended to deceive and control.

Love Bombing: Excessive Affection as a Control Tool

Love bombing involves overwhelming you with affection and grand gestures early in the relationship, such as declaring love quickly or pushing for commitment prematurely. This intense admiration is often followed by devaluation.

The goal is to trap you in a cycle of dependency and abuse, where apologies and gifts mask ongoing manipulation. Love bombing often precedes other manipulative behaviors like gaslighting and coercion.

Using Threats and Coercion

Manipulators may use threats to force compliance, such as threatening to leave if you don’t meet their demands or threatening self-harm to manipulate your actions.

Any threat of self-harm should be taken seriously, and professional mental health support is essential for the person making such threats. You can encourage them to seek help while maintaining boundaries for your safety.

Silent Treatment and Emotional Withdrawal

Withholding communication, affection, or intimacy as punishment is a manipulative strategy. This silent treatment may continue until you concede or accept blame unjustly.

Isolation From Loved Ones

Manipulators often try to distance you from friends and family, especially if those people express concern about the relationship. They may also attempt to win over your support network to pressure you into staying.

This isolation increases your dependence on the manipulator and undermines your confidence in leaving.

Impact of Emotional Manipulation

If you suspect manipulation, watch for these signs:

• Constantly feeling the need to justify yourself
• Feeling unsafe or mistrustful in the relationship
• Persistent self-doubt
• Frequently apologizing despite no wrongdoing
• Experiencing confusion, resentment, anger, or exhaustion
• Overall dissatisfaction with the relationship

Why People Stay in Manipulative Relationships

Some may blame themselves for their partner’s behavior or fear confrontation, abandonment, or loneliness. Trauma and upbringing in invalidating environments can contribute to tolerance of manipulation. Lack of social support also makes leaving difficult.

Understanding Manipulators’ Motivations

Manipulators seek control, ego protection, and avoidance of accountability. They may want to dominate, gain attention, or wear down their partner to meet their own needs.

Many manipulative individuals come from dysfunctional backgrounds where manipulation was learned as a survival skill. Attachment issues and anxiety can increase the likelihood of manipulative behaviors. Some mental health disorders, such as borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, are associated with these tactics.

Recognizing Your Vulnerability to Manipulation

It can be tough to admit you are being manipulated, especially by someone close. You may be more susceptible if you have:

• Low self-esteem, leading to efforts to please your partner
• A history of abuse or trauma
• A lack of close supportive relationships outside the partnership

How to Address Manipulative Behavior

Manipulation is a form of emotional abuse that you do not need to accept. Recognizing it as emotional blackmail is the first step toward responding effectively.

Don’t Downplay Manipulation

Once you identify manipulation, take it seriously. Whether you are the target or inadvertently the perpetrator, addressing the issue is crucial.

Start by acknowledging the problem and consider having an honest conversation with your partner. Cite specific examples of manipulative behavior and express how it affects you.

For example: "When you shut down during our disagreements, I feel disconnected and hurt. Can we talk about this?" or "When you say I said things I didn't, I feel confused. Can we discuss what’s really happening?"

Seek Professional Support

Emotional manipulation can be complex to resolve, especially if avoidance is common. Couples therapy or individual counseling can help clarify dynamics and develop healthier communication.

A therapist can assist in addressing underlying issues, including mental health conditions, and guide boundary-setting or decisions about continuing the relationship.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Setting firm boundaries is essential. Discuss acceptable behaviors with your partner and outline consequences for crossing these limits.

For instance: "If you interrupt me and dismiss my feelings, I will step away from the conversation to protect my well-being." Follow through if boundaries are violated.

If manipulation persists, consider ending the relationship to protect your emotional health.

Manipulation and emotional abuse can precede physical abuse. If you feel at risk, create a safety plan, inform trusted individuals, and seek support from domestic violence resources such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Practice Self-Compassion

Survivors often blame themselves or feel guilty when enforcing boundaries. Remember your right to safety and respect. Treat yourself with kindness and affirm your worthiness of a healthy relationship.

You can’t control others’ actions, but you can control your choices about who you allow in your life.

Summary

If you’re experiencing emotional manipulation, don’t ignore it. Communicate openly, seek professional help, set boundaries, and prioritize your emotional well-being.

Discussing Manipulation With Your Partner

Prepare for this conversation by listing specific manipulative behaviors you’ve experienced. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blame. Listen to your partner’s perspective but remain firm about your boundaries.

If your partner reacts defensively or refuses to acknowledge the issue, reassess whether staying in the relationship is healthy for you.

Key Takeaways

Manipulation damages trust and connection. Healthy relationships are built on honest, respectful communication. Address manipulation early, set clear boundaries, and be ready to walk away if necessary.

Explore related topics: Living Well, Relationships, Toxicity and Abuse

References

Verywell Mind ensures accuracy by using peer-reviewed and reputable sources. For detailed citations, see our editorial process.

By Sheri Stritof
Sheri Stritof has over 20 years of experience writing about marriage and relationships and is co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book.

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