2025 Relationship Tests: Are Partner 'Pop Quizzes' Healthy or Harmful? Insights & Advice

Trying to test your partner might seem clever, but it often backfires.

Romantic relationships can sometimes feel like ongoing tests—whether it’s showing you remember small details or meeting emotional needs—but is it healthy to put your partner through secret challenges? What happens when the tests become manipulative or unrealistic?

A Reddit user recently shared his experience with his girlfriend’s escalating “boyfriend tests,” including a shocking fake pregnancy scare. This sparked widespread discussion about boundaries and communication in relationships.

When Do Relationship Tests Cross the Line?

He recounted how giving his girlfriend space backfired because he didn’t surprise her with a visit, and how the fake pregnancy test was an extreme and damaging move. Most agree that open communication beats guessing games.

This raises the question: Are there any acceptable relationship tests? Can small, lighthearted challenges help reveal compatibility, or do they just create confusion and mistrust?

Our Verywell Mind editorial team debated this topic, sharing personal insights on the pros and cons of relationship tests and how to foster trust.

Andria’s Perspective

Andria believes small, playful tests inspired by popular relationship theories can spark fun conversations without risking the relationship. For example, quirky TikTok tests like the “orange peel” or “sidewalk rule” are harmless ways to engage with a partner’s personality.

However, using tests to manipulate or seriously judge if someone is “the one” signals deeper issues. Clear communication about needs is far more effective than mind games.

Kate’s Approach

Kate shares how she sometimes tests her boyfriend with everyday scenarios, like leaving toilet paper rolls on the floor to see if he notices. Instead of making it a big deal, she prefers straightforward requests, which lead to positive responses and support.

She advises replacing covert tests with open invitations—such as going birdwatching together—to reveal genuine interest and care.

Hannah’s Take

Hannah acknowledges that casual tests happen naturally, like seeing if a friend asks about you or if a partner cleans dishes without prompting. These harmless experiments rarely hurt anyone.

But grandiose tests—like faking pregnancy—are destructive, eroding trust and risking the relationship’s future.

She emphasizes honest conversations about commitment and feelings as the healthiest path forward since no one can read minds.

Nick’s Viewpoint

Nick finds the idea of being tested unsettling. While wanting a partner to show they care is natural, secret tests create uncertainty and stress.

He admits men often miss subtle cues, but confusing tests only worsen misunderstandings. Instead, continuous communication and mutual check-ins build stronger, more stable relationships.

Whether new or long-term, relationships thrive on clarity—not guessing games.

For more tips on nurturing healthy connections, explore topics on Living Well, Relationships, and Strengthening Relationships.

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