Living with Chronic Illness Doesn’t Make You a Burden in a Relationship

Living with a chronic illness often comes with the fear of being seen as a burden in a relationship, even though it’s something beyond your control.

It’s commonly suggested that dating someone with a chronic illness might be challenging because they could become a burden. While it’s understandable why some might feel that way, especially if they haven’t faced such challenges themselves, this perception is misguided.

As someone living with a chronic condition, I understand that dating a person without health issues might seem easier. It means fewer worries about medical emergencies, less emotional strain, and not witnessing your loved one struggle physically.

However, labeling people with chronic illnesses as burdens overlooks the depth and resilience they bring to relationships.

My Journey with Inflammatory Bowel Disease and Relationships

After being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), I’ve been in two relationships. During my first relationship, I struggled with feeling like a burden. Initially, no one knew the extent of my illness, and it wasn’t until I underwent emergency surgery that the severity became clear.

Despite my partner staying with me for six years, his lack of support made me feel guilty for needing help — from hospital visits he declined to the times I had to cancel plans due to my health. The weight gain from steroids added to my insecurities, making me withdraw emotionally to avoid feeling like a burden.

But those feelings stemmed largely from his unsympathetic response, not from my illness itself.

Support and Understanding Are Essential

When diagnosed with a life-altering condition, it’s natural to expect your partner to offer love, care, and emotional support. Chronic illness often affects mental health, making this support even more crucial.

These needs are fundamental in any healthy relationship, not exclusive to those involving chronic illness.

Many fear dating someone with health challenges because they misunderstand what it entails. It’s not about becoming a caregiver; it’s about sharing a normal relationship filled with mutual love and care.

Independence and Strength Among the Chronically Ill

Many of us with chronic illnesses develop incredible independence out of necessity. We learn to manage our pain quietly, often minimizing it to avoid being seen as burdensome.

After my first relationship ended, I reflected deeply, wondering if my illness was the cause. Ultimately, I realized that if my condition was a deal-breaker for someone, that relationship wasn’t right for me.

When I met my current partner, I hesitated before sharing my diagnosis, fearing rejection. But his response was nothing short of supportive — he embraced my condition as part of who I am without judgment.

Now, 18 months in, he’s been by my side through every hospital visit and difficult moment, never making me feel like I’m a burden. His love and acceptance have transformed how I view myself in relationships.

I wish I had left my first relationship sooner to experience this kind of support earlier, and I hope others with chronic illnesses find the same understanding.

You Are Not a Burden to the Right Person

To the right partner, your chronic illness is simply one aspect of you — someone they deeply care for and want to support during tough times. Relationships are about mutual care, regardless of health status.

Dating someone with a chronic illness should never be seen as a chore or a reason to avoid connection. That person might be the perfect match for you.

If you hesitate to date someone because of their health, it’s worth reconsidering what you want from a relationship. True partnerships involve emotional and physical support through all of life’s challenges — whether health-related, financial, or personal.

Ask yourself: Are you seeking a superficial connection without responsibility, or a meaningful bond built on love and support? The choice is clear.

Hattie Gladwell is a mental health journalist, author, and advocate dedicated to reducing stigma around mental illness and encouraging open conversations.

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