It Ends With Us Movie 2025 Review: What It Gets Wrong About Domestic Violence and the Realities of Abuse
Explore the critical analysis of the 2025 film adaptation of Colleen Hoover's 'It Ends With Us,' examining its unrealistic portrayal of domestic violence and the true complexities survivors face.
Mind in the Media continues its insightful series on mental health and psychology in popular films and TV shows.
Stopping domestic violence is undeniably vital, and Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel It Ends With Us, now adapted into a 2024 movie, aims to highlight this issue. However, survivors of domestic violence may find the film’s portrayal oversimplified and lacking depth. The movie’s depiction of an abusive relationship is notably flat, and it also suffers from a glaring scarcity of diverse characters, with only one minor Black role.
The story follows Lily Bloom, a passionate flower shop owner coping with the recent death of her abusive father. Her mother stayed with him despite the abuse, a decision Lily struggles to understand while confronting her own feelings about her father. Lily soon meets Ryle, introduced violently when he throws a chair in anger on a rooftop. The plot unfolds with a love triangle involving Lily’s first love, but the film misses crucial nuances of domestic abuse.
Positive Changes Made in the Movie Adaptation
The movie wisely reduces the role of Ellen DeGeneres, who in the book serves as a fantasy figure for Lily. Given later revelations about DeGeneres, this change aligns with current awareness. Instead, the film subtly incorporates positive messages like "Just Keep Swimming" through background imagery and props, which counselors praise for their hopeful tone.
The film also improves on the book’s ending by having Lily raise her daughter alone, rather than co-parenting with her abusive ex-husband. Experts highlight that co-parenting with an abuser without proper healing can expose children to ongoing harm, making the movie’s approach a safer and more responsible portrayal.
The Missing Reality: The Build-Up Phase of Abuse
As a domestic violence survivor, I found the film’s representation of abuse cycles lacking. The movie focuses on isolated violent incidents triggered by one cause, while showing Lily feeling safe and comfortable between episodes. This does not reflect the continuous tension survivors experience.
“The story misses the critical ‘build-up’ phase of abuse—the longest and most manipulative part—where victims live in constant fear, walking on eggshells,” explains trauma counselor Afton Turner. This phase involves increasing irritability and control by the abuser, creating confusion and hypervigilance in the victim, which the film fails to depict.
Therapist Teri Schroeder adds that Lily might not have initially recognized the abuse due to familiar trauma patterns from her childhood, a realistic portrayal of how victims often overlook early warning signs.
Complex Family Abuse Dynamics
The film presents a traditional narrative where the father abuses the mother, but real-life abuse is more complex. Studies show mothers are more often the abusers of children than fathers, and abuse can come from any family member or close relation, broadening the scope beyond typical portrayals.
The Challenge of Support Systems
In the movie, Lily is fortunate to have a supportive best friend and ex-boyfriend, which is rare. In reality, abusive partners often isolate victims from friends and family, or victims feel ashamed to seek help. Schroeder notes that family and friends may deny or fail to recognize abuse, sometimes judging the victim instead.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance.
The Reality of Leaving an Abusive Relationship
The film suggests Lily quickly realizes the abuse and leaves without incident, which is unrealistic. Leaving abusive relationships is often a prolonged, dangerous process with repeated attempts and resistance from the abuser, especially when children are involved. Research shows women with young children face increased violence risk before and after separation.
Questioning Sympathy for Abusers
The character Ryle is portrayed with a tragic backstory and charm, inviting some sympathy. However, experts caution against normalizing or excusing abuse by highlighting trauma without accountability. Turner emphasizes that while trauma can explain abusive behavior, it never justifies it.
The film’s focus on a sympathetic white male abuser may inadvertently downplay the severity of abuse, a problematic narrative in today’s cultural climate.
Additional Resources
- Living Well
- Relationships
- Toxicity and Abuse
Sources include peer-reviewed studies and expert commentary to ensure accuracy and reliability.
By Ariane Resnick, CNC – Mental health writer, certified nutritionist, and wellness advocate committed to inclusivity and accessibility.
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