A Caregiver's Fight to Keep the Child She Raised for Seven Years

From birth, the boy was raised by his nanny while his biological mother left him in her care. When school approached, he was sent to a boarding school, while his twin sister was raised by their mother.

Tatyana Kalentyeva, a former investigator with the Ministry of Internal Affairs in her hometown, retired after years of handling criminal cases. Seeking a new purpose, she returned to her early training as an educator and became a nanny, moving to Moscow for better opportunities. In autumn 2013, she accepted a unique position caring for a boy named Grisha, who was about two months old at the time. The arrangement involved living with him for two weeks at a time in an apartment on Leningradsky Prospect, while his mother lived elsewhere.

Tatyana never questioned why Grisha lived apart from his mother, assuming it was not her concern. Over time, she learned that Grisha’s mother lived with his twin sister, both children born via surrogate mother to the mother and her French partner.

“She told me, ‘I wanted a girl, but twins were born. I don’t need the boy. Maybe you could take him permanently?’ I refused, thinking, why take on someone else’s child?” recalls Tatyana, who now regrets declining.

For five years, Tatyana has traveled between her hometown and Moscow, seeking legal custody of Grisha. His biological parents never fully embraced him, and when school age came, he was placed in a specialized boarding school where he has lived and studied for four years.

“His birth mother doesn’t want him. Why do they keep hurting him?” Tatyana wonders, though no answers come.

After Tatyana declined permanent custody, Grisha’s mother proposed a temporary arrangement. They signed agreements with a notary for one year, then extended to three, allowing Grisha to live with Tatyana in her hometown. They told relatives that Grisha was a distant relative from Kolomna with a complicated situation, justifying the arrangement.

“My older son, who didn’t have a family then, helped me teach Grisha to ride a bike and played football with him,” she shares.

Tatyana received a monthly payment equivalent to about $470 USD for her caregiving, plus small additional funds from Grisha’s mother for food. However, the mother stopped sending money as Grisha grew older. Grisha began calling Tatyana “mom,” forgetting his biological mother.

“I told the mother when Grisha was about four. She told me to teach him to call me ‘Mom Tanya.’ I had to explain to Grisha that he has a mother and sister in Moscow, but he didn’t understand. He never met them and referred to his mother as ‘she,’” Tatyana recalls.

In 2020, when Grisha was to start school, his mother asked for him to be brought a few days early. Tatyana bought tickets for August 28, but the mother insisted on August 30. It was then Tatyana realized no one else cared for Grisha at home.

She approached local child welfare authorities for help, hoping to become Grisha’s legal guardian. The mother accused Tatyana of kidnapping and filed a police report, but authorities did not pursue charges, recognizing the existing agreement and notarized documents.

“They wanted to take Grisha from me that day, but he cried loudly. They decided to let him stay and asked me to sign a receipt,” Tatyana says.

During a police interview, Grisha was taken and returned to his mother. Since then, Tatyana has not seen him and has been fighting in court to regain custody of the boy she raised lovingly for seven years.

Grisha now lives in a private boarding school for out-of-town children. Educators report behavioral issues, including aggression, a stark contrast to the kind and gentle child Tatyana knew.

Tatyana sought assistance from child rights commissioner Maria Lvova-Belova and was directed to file a lawsuit regarding visitation rights. The district court rejected the claim due to procedural issues, but the case is now before the Moscow City Court. Throughout, Grisha’s wishes have not been considered.

“I’m willing to accept any conditions. I only ask to see Grisha at least once every three months, even if it’s within the boarding school under supervision. I love this boy deeply. The last time we met, three years ago, he cried out, ‘Fight for me, Mom!’ I can’t betray him,” Tatyana says.

The child welfare commissioner in Tatarstan confirmed violations by the local guardianship authorities. A lawsuit to terminate the biological mother’s parental rights was filed but returned for corrections and never refiled. Police found no grounds to charge Tatyana with kidnapping, given the notarized agreements. Legally, Grisha’s mother is recognized as his parent, and Tatyana as an unrelated caregiver. However, experts emphasize that courts should prioritize the child’s emotional bonds over mere paperwork.

It is hoped that the law will ultimately protect Grisha’s best interests, granting him the loving family he deserves.

Photo credits: social media

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