5 Key Psychological Theories Explaining the Nature of Love

Kendra Cherry, MSEd, is a specialist in psychosocial rehabilitation, a psychology educator, and the author of the acclaimed "Everything Psychology Book."

What drives people to fall in love? Why do some relationships last a lifetime, while others fade quickly? Love is a fundamental human experience, yet understanding its complexities remains a challenge. Many psychologists and researchers have dedicated their work to unraveling the mysteries of love and emotional bonding.

This article delves into five prominent psychological theories that shed light on how love forms, evolves, and sustains itself over time.

Liking Versus Loving

In 1970, psychologist Zick Rubin distinguished between 'liking' and 'loving.' While liking involves admiration and enjoyment of someone's company, love is deeper, encompassing intense emotional connection and a desire for physical closeness. Rubin identified three core components of romantic love:

• A strong emotional bond and mutual dependence
• A willingness to support and help the other
• Exclusive focus and emotional absorption in the partner

Rubin developed a questionnaire to measure these attitudes, confirming that love is a distinct and profound experience beyond mere liking.

The Color Wheel Model of Love

John Lee, in his 1973 work The Colors of Love, compared love styles to colors on a wheel, proposing three primary types:

• Eros: Passionate, romantic love characterized by physical and emotional intensity, idealizing the partner.
• Ludus: Playful, game-like love focused on fun without serious commitment or deep intimacy.
• Storge: Affectionate love rooted in friendship and natural bonds, often seen in family relationships.

Lee later expanded these into six styles by combining the primary types:

• Mania: Obsessive love combining passion and playfulness.
• Pragma: Practical and realistic love blending playfulness with affection.
• Agape: Selfless love merging passion and affectionate care.

Triangular Theory of Love

Robert Sternberg's 1986 triangular theory identifies three essential components of love:

• Intimacy – emotional closeness and connectedness
• Passion – physical attraction and romantic desire
• Commitment – decision to maintain the relationship

Different combinations create various types of love, such as compassionate love (intimacy + commitment) and romantic love (intimacy + passion). Sternberg describes consummate love as the complete union of all three elements, representing the ideal but rare form of enduring love.

Attachment Theory of Love

In 1987, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver applied attachment theory to romantic relationships, suggesting that early bonds with caregivers influence adult love styles. They identified three attachment patterns:

• Anxious/Ambivalent: Characterized by fear of abandonment and intense desire for closeness, sometimes overwhelming partners.
• Avoidant: Marked by discomfort with intimacy and challenges in trusting others.
• Secure: Defined by comfort with intimacy and confidence in relationships.

Secure attachment is most common and supports healthier relationships, while anxious and avoidant styles can lead to challenges in love dynamics.

Compassionate Versus Passionate Love

Elaine Hatfield, in 1988, differentiated two fundamental types of love:

• Compassionate Love: Built on mutual respect, trust, and deep affection, often developing over time.
• Passionate Love: Characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, and heightened arousal, typically lasting between six months and two and a half years.

Hatfield posited that passionate love often evolves into compassionate love, which provides long-term relationship stability, though the combination is relatively rare.

Conclusion

These five psychological theories offer valuable insights into the multifaceted nature of love. By understanding the different components, styles, and attachment patterns, we gain a clearer picture of how love begins, grows, and transforms throughout our lives.

For further exploration, consider topics like healthy relationships, social psychology, and emotional attachment.

References

1. Rubin Z. Measurement of romantic love. J Personal Social Psychol. 1970;16(2):265-273.
2. Cramer K, Marcus J, Pomerleau C, Gillard K. Gender invariance in the Love Attitudes Scale based on Lee’s color theory of love. Test Psychomet Methodol App Psychol. 2015;22(3):403-413.
3. Sternberg RJ. A triangular theory of love. Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135.
4. Hazan C, Shaver P. Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. J Personal Social Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-524.
5. Hatfield E. Passionate and compassionate love. The Psychology of Love. 1988.

Written by Kendra Cherry, MSEd, a psychosocial rehabilitation expert and psychology educator, author of "Everything Psychology Book."

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