2025 Insight: Overcoming Fatphobia to Be a Loving Parent - Priceless Life Lessons

Watching my son grow, I’m committed to breaking the cycle of body hatred. I refuse to let him witness me despising my own body or to feel ashamed of his.

At age five, I admired my mother and wished to look just like her. Her quick dismissal, "You don’t want a tummy like mine," planted early seeds of body negativity.

Growing up, my family often discussed weight—who gained, who lost—with compliments reserved for those who slimmed down. This commentary eventually targeted me directly.

From 'skinny-minnie' to 'borderline': The weight of family judgment

When I was thin, I was labeled “skinny-minnie.” As college brought weight gain, my father warned I was “borderline” and needed to care better for myself. Simple pleasures like second helpings or snacks were met with disapproving looks.

Unaware at the time, I absorbed fatphobic beliefs, equating thinness with health and discipline. Failure to meet this ideal felt like personal weakness.

I overlooked genetics, medical conditions, and medications influencing weight, ignoring research showing that size doesn’t define health—behaviors do.

PCOS diagnosis deepened self-blame and body shame

In my late twenties, diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), I blamed myself despite medical uncertainty about its causes.

Struggling to lose weight, I skipped meals, avoided mirrors, and hid in baggy clothes. Pregnancy brought anxiety; weight gain felt like surrender.

Cultural fatphobia’s deep roots and everyday impact

Emma Laing, a nutrition professor, notes that lifelong cultural emphasis on thinness embeds fatphobia from childhood. Heidi Dalzell, a psychologist, highlights how viral jokes about “quarantine weight gain” normalize harmful stereotypes.

Taryn Myers, a psychology professor, points out that fat individuals face workplace discrimination and medical bias, often receiving inadequate care focused solely on weight loss.

The damaging cycle of weight stigma

Weight shame deters people from seeking medical care, perpetuates unhealthy eating patterns, and contributes to eating disorders. Children are not immune; many experience body dissatisfaction and fear of fatness from a young age.

Studies reveal even preschoolers use negative language about larger bodies, underscoring the urgency to address these biases early.

Choosing a new path as a parent

As a mother, I actively challenge my biases to foster a positive body image for my son. I want him free from shame, anxiety around food, and judgment of others.

Janet Lydecker, a Yale psychologist, reminds us that children absorb parental attitudes deeply, making positive modeling essential.

My son deserves a life where he feels valued regardless of size—and it begins with me embracing self-love and respect.

Simone M. Scully writes passionately about health and science. Connect with her on her website, Facebook, and Twitter.

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