Overcoming Regret: How to Heal and Move Forward with Confidence

Barbara is a dedicated writer and speaker focused on mental wellness, holistic health, and empowering women.

Regret arises when we feel sorrow or disappointment about past choices or missed opportunities. It's common to experience shame alongside regret, which often leads us to either avoid these feelings or become trapped by them.

For instance, you might regret spending too much time working and missing out on building close relationships with your children, leading to feelings of isolation and blame.

Releasing regret is crucial for maintaining your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. This guide explores why regret can be damaging, its potential benefits, the most intense regrets people face, how to stop dwelling on regret, and practical steps to move forward.

The Negative Impact of Regret

Regret becomes harmful when we resist accepting it. For example, you might regret not defending a friend falsely accused of something hurtful, and suppress feelings of guilt and embarrassment.

Such suppressed emotions can lead to disappointment in ourselves and persistent reminders of the incident. Neuroscience shows that regret activates the medial orbitofrontal cortex, a brain area linked to emotional processing, which can negatively affect mental health.

Persistent regret often fuels repetitive negative thinking, increasing risks of stress, anxiety, and depression, which also take a toll on physical health.

Research indicates that self-blame can elevate shame, guilt, and inflammatory responses in the body, contributing to conditions like arthritis, cancer, and heart disease.

The Constructive Side of Regret

Reflecting on past regrets can promote personal growth by helping us learn from mistakes and improve future decisions.

Studies reveal that regret can motivate individuals to address shortcomings in their responsibilities more quickly than unfulfilled aspirations, highlighting regret’s role in pushing us toward becoming our best selves.

The Most Intense Regrets People Experience

Research analyzing regret intensity over a lifetime found that while people often regret inaction more frequently, the deepest regrets stem from actions taken that violated personal values, affected social relationships, or lacked justification.

Listen: Expert Advice on Managing Regret

Therapist Amy Morin and bestselling author Daniel Pink discuss practical ways to cope with regret in this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast.

Techniques to Break Free from Regretful Thoughts

If you find your mind stuck on regret, comparing yourself to others or replaying "what if" scenarios, try these approaches to regain control:

• Stop ruminating
• Practice mindfulness
• Use deep breathing exercises
• Meditate regularly
• Engage in physical activity
• Explore new hobbies

As Laurel Healy, LCSW, explains, when self-blaming thoughts serve no purpose, redirecting your focus through distraction, meditation, or social connection can help you move forward.

Steps to Move Beyond Regret

Practice Self-Compassion

Imagine you left college early to work and buy a car, but now regret not finishing your degree. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend in a similar situation.

Reflect on whether you made the best decision possible with the knowledge and maturity you had at the time. This understanding can soften harsh self-judgment.

Embrace Self-Compassion for Growth

UC Berkeley research shows that individuals who approach their regrets with kindness feel empowered to learn and improve, unlike those who focus solely on self-esteem or unrelated topics.

Forgive Yourself

Self-forgiveness means separating your mistakes from your worth as a person. Recognize that everyone makes errors and that forgiving yourself is a vital step toward healing.

• Acknowledge your mistakes
• Offer yourself compassion
• Allow yourself to grieve
• Extract lessons learned
• Make amends where possible
• Release lingering regret

Write About Your Regrets

Journaling or writing letters to yourself or others can help process regret. Detail the event, accept what happened, identify lessons learned, and consider ways to improve the situation now.

For example, a parent who regrets missed time with family might volunteer with children in the community to create new positive experiences.

Seek Professional Support

If regret becomes overwhelming, therapy can offer tools like cognitive-behavioral therapy to break negative thought cycles and foster healthier behaviors.

Final Thoughts from Verywell

Feeling regret is a shared human experience, but it doesn’t have to hold you back. By cultivating understanding and compassion for yourself, you can heal and move forward. When needed, professional guidance can support your journey toward emotional freedom.

Explore more:

• Living Well
• Self-Improvement

References

1. Coricelli G, et al. Regret and its avoidance: a neuroimaging study of choice behavior. Nat Neurosci. 2005;8(9):1255-1262.
2. Dickerson SS, et al. Immunological effects of induced shame and guilt. Psychosom Med. 2004;66(1):124-131.
3. The Cleveland Clinic. Inflammation.
4. Davidai S, Gilovich T. The ideal road not taken: The self-discrepancies involved in people’s most enduring regrets. Emotion. 2018;18(3):439-452.
5. Towers A, et al. What Makes for the Most Intense Regrets? Front Psychol. 2016;7:1941.
6. Zhang JW, Chen S. Self-Compassion Promotes Personal Improvement From Regret Experiences via Acceptance. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2016;42(2):244-258.

By Barbara Field
Barbara is a passionate advocate for mental health, holistic wellness, and women’s empowerment.

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