A Mother's Heartbreaking Story: When Her Daughter Chose a Different Identity

Russia's State Duma recently passed a comprehensive law banning gender transition procedures. Over the past month, this legislation has sparked intense debate among politicians, legal experts, human rights advocates, medical professionals, and religious leaders. Here, we share the candid story of a woman whose daughter has embraced a male identity, and discuss the pressing issues with specialists.

Under the new regulation, all surgical interventions related to gender reassignment are prohibited except for correcting congenital anomalies. Legally changing one's gender on official documents is no longer permitted. Marriages conducted post-transition are declared invalid, and individuals who have undergone gender change are barred from adopting children.

But what lies behind the personal struggles of those who have already taken this path?

A mother courageously opens up about her daughter's transformation at age 37.

From Daughter to Son

"I witnessed profound changes in my daughter—not just mentally and emotionally, but physically as well. She gained weight, grew a beard, and distanced herself from all of us," recalls Tatiana Kurbanmuradova.

This revelation shocked their close-knit family. Victoria, the middle child among three siblings, was a bright, beautiful graduate of a prestigious Moscow university. Yet in November 2019, she began identifying as Viktor.

Within two months, a private clinic in Moscow issued her a certificate declaring a "gender reorientation" without informing any family members, legally recognizing her as male.

At that time, Victoria was well into her thirties—far from adolescence.

Could gender dysphoria truly emerge so late in life? Until then, no one had noticed any such changes in her behavior.

Tatiana believes that opportunists exploited her daughter's fragile mental state to manipulate and deprive her of her assets.

According to relatives, Viktor married his close female friend and adopted her children.

"We learned of this from court documents. The lawyer saw the marriage certificate and tried to photograph it, but Victoria objected. That raised questions—if the marriage was legal, why resist? When the court inquired about the children, Victoria claimed to be the 'father' of Olga's two kids," Tatiana shares in disbelief.

If true, these unrelated individuals might inherit Victoria's substantial estate. "I'm worried something bad might happen to my daughter," Tatiana confides. "She sends me strange letters blaming me for everything that happened to her."

No Grandchildren in Sight

The family, originally from Turkmenistan, is well-off with three children: a son and two daughters. Victoria, the middle child, was talented and intelligent but somewhat impressionable. According to her mother, she fell under negative influences early on. In 2005, Tatiana rescued her from a destructive sect known as the Jehovah's Witnesses (banned in Russia). High-profile trials against sect members were underway in Turkmenistan at the time.

"Victoria's name wasn't part of the investigations, but I was advised it would be best for her to leave the country."

Medical issues also arose, possibly influencing Victoria's behavior, experts suggested.

Her education in Russia was funded, she obtained citizenship, and family property was registered in her name.

Victoria lived comfortably without employment, traveling extensively and taking friends on luxury vacations. Among these friends were some very close companions.

"Despite suitors and even a marriage, Victoria never seemed happy. I did everything for her," Tatiana reminisces. "The marriage ended, and a pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Her close friend found a partner and left Victoria, who was deeply hurt. Once, she gifted me a purebred puppy and said there would be no grandchildren."

Soon after, Victoria met another woman, Olga R., a hairdresser from Balashikha with two children. They lived together, with Olga insisting Victoria act as the male head of the household, handling responsibilities and expenses to maintain their relationship. For Victoria, these ties were evidently significant.

Victoria's nephew, who frequently interacted with her, noticed she switched from feminine attire to masculine suits and referred to herself using male pronouns.

"We have numerous childhood and youth photos of Victoria in dresses and sundresses, always happy with her appearance until 2019, when something changed," her mother reveals.

In 2019, Victoria confided to specialists at a private Moscow clinic that she first questioned her gender identity at age 14 and had presented herself as male online. Tatiana doubts this, citing internet restrictions in Turkmenistan and lack of home internet at the time, suspecting someone coached her daughter.

Psychological evaluation dated October 3, 2019, noted Victoria was dressed in men's clothing, displayed demonstrative behavior, spoke openly about relationships with women, identified positively with a male image, and showed dissatisfaction with her biological sex. However, the diagnosis of 'transsexualism' was uncertain, and Victoria did not plan genital surgery, possibly intending to bear children in the future. Despite this, she received documents reflecting her male identity, becoming Viktor.

The diagnosis raises questions—was changing documents truly the key to her happiness?

What were Olga's motives—love or financial gain?

Legally, their marriage was possible until recently, given one partner's gender change, effectively constituting a same-sex marriage prohibited by the Russian Constitution.

"On April 22, 2020, Victoria visited me in St. Petersburg with a male friend to celebrate her father's birthday. She was kind and smelled of her favorite feminine perfume, hiding her medical status. Physically unchanged, she drank two liters of vodka with her friend—a stark contrast to her previous abstinence. When asked, she said it was out of fear and avoided further discussion," Tatiana recalls.

In November 2020, Victoria applied at a registry office in Krasnogorsk to amend her birth record and obtain documents under her male name but was denied because such changes could only be made in Turkmenistan, her birthplace.

In April 2021, Russian authorities notified Turkmenistan's Ministry of Justice about requested changes in Victoria's birth record. However, as she had not legally changed her gender there, corrections were refused.

Victoria then authorized an agent with dual Russian-Turkmen citizenship to obtain a birth certificate, enabling her to circumvent legal restrictions in both countries and acquire a new Russian passport under her male identity.

"It seems my daughter's actions were controlled by others. She transferred all family property into her name with male details. We barely managed to freeze the apartments," Tatiana fears.

She worries not only about losing assets but also about her daughter's well-being. "The hormones she takes have altered her appearance dramatically."

For years, Tatiana has petitioned authorities to annul fraudulent documents and hold perpetrators accountable. In Turkmenistan, strict laws led to criminal prosecution of those responsible.

Invoking Article 30, Clause 2 of Russia's Civil Code, Tatiana requested a psychiatric evaluation of Victoria to determine mental capacity and appoint guardianship if needed. This could enable her to challenge the legal changes related to her daughter's gender identity.

During a court hearing in Krasnogorsk, Tatiana invited a reporter to meet Victoria—now Viktor. Dressed in a suit, visibly overweight and nervous, Victoria reacted with hostility when approached by her mother, denying their relationship and avoiding eye contact.

The scene was surreal—despite gender transition, could one truly forget their own mother? Victoria's denial seemed to reflect a rejection of her own identity.

Tatiana views the recent law banning gender transitions in Russia as a hopeful step to protect her daughter and reverse the consequences of her decisions, from document changes to same-sex unions.

"I've filed a request with the Krasnogorsk Investigative Committee to annul Victoria's marriage. A response is expected by late July. I hope for reason and assistance in bringing my daughter back," she says.

In one of her many letters to Victoria, Tatiana writes with hope: "My dear child! Don't rush. You are part of our big, happy family. I love you very much and miss you dearly. Please come back to us!"

Understanding Gender Identity Challenges

Exact numbers of true transsexual individuals remain unknown, estimated at around 1% globally. However, recent years have seen a significant increase, not just in Russia but worldwide, reflecting a growing phenomenon sometimes described as a 'transsexuality pandemic.'

Hollywood celebrities influence this trend by challenging traditional gender norms: Megan Fox dresses her sons in dresses, and Angelina Jolie supports her 15-year-old daughter who prefers to be called John and identified as male.

"Gender dysphoria"—the distress or discomfort with one's biological sex—is increasingly recognized as common. In some circles, being 'normal' is considered unusual.

Many confuse 'transsexuality' with 'transgender.' Transsexuality is a psychiatric condition, whereas transgender is a social term describing individuals who feel their gender identity differs from their biological sex, without medical classification.

The World Health Organization's ICD-11 has reclassified transsexuality as a variation of normal human experience, alongside other mental health conditions.

Transsexual individuals often suffer profoundly. Medical procedures involving removal of healthy organs are drastic measures taken when no better options exist. Such suffering cannot be normalized.

Historically, transsexuality has always been rare but present across cultures, including in America and the former Soviet Union.

Some theories suggest prenatal factors influence gender differentiation, with gender identity awareness emerging between ages 3 and 5. Reversing or convincing such children otherwise is nearly impossible. There have been cases where true transsexuals gave birth under medical advice but later attempted suicide due to unbearable distress. Sudden gender identity changes in adults over 35 are rare and likely rooted in other issues.

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