12 Empowering Strategies to Heal and Thrive After a Divorce

What feels like a catastrophe today can be the beginning of a joyful new journey.

Anna Shalashova

A writer, translator, and hedonist residing in Spain, sharing insights on her Telegram channel.

I am writing this article on my daughter's ninth birthday. We live in Barcelona, while her American father resides in Seattle, USA. Today, we connected and celebrated together, reminiscing about the joy we felt while awaiting Lucia's arrival, our love for her and each other when she was born, her first tooth, her running along Marbella’s promenade, and her proud declaration, "I'm from Madrid!" We cherish and support each other's decisions and share empathy during tough times. Yet, just four years ago, our interactions were filled with bitterness, anger, passion, disappointment, and toxic tension.

He initiated the divorce but struggled to reconcile with his decision, expecting fiery Italian-style arguments from my temperament. I loved him but understood clearly that if our child is healthy, I'm well, and we have the means not just to survive but to live well, I owe it to myself to stay strong. So, I held firm without blame or conflict, never hiding or obstructing the process, and encouraged open communication with our daughter. We handled formalities through a family lawyer and aimed for peace. Within six months, our divorce agreement was ready and submitted.

The real challenge came two years later when he returned to ask for my hand again in front of our daughter, and I declined. That moment unsettled our balance for months. It’s incredibly difficult to manage a child’s emotions who wishes their parents were still together.

Now, all turmoil is behind us. My ex-husband appreciates our peaceful relationship, and I’m grateful he’s an excellent dad who explains physics and math better than anyone.

Divorce rarely comes easy, whether you initiate it or face it unwillingly. You must cross a long, blazing bridge calmly and with control.

Some things are beyond your control, even with the most respectful behavior. From my experience, here are key steps to minimize loss for both sides during this transition.

1. If You Have Children, Do Your Best to Preserve the Marriage

You will revisit this thought often and question yourself unless you exhaust every possibility to save your family.

If separation is inevitable, adhere strictly to the law, remembering you will co-parent for years. Divorce with children is not harder but often easier: it motivates civilized behavior, resilience, and optimism.

2. Protect Your Interests Calmly Without Bitterness

Assert your rights fairly without being driven by resentment or revenge. Life is long, and the person you loved and chose deserves respect. Some never experience deep love or marriage, yet you shared vows and special moments with this person, no matter what they’re called now.

3. Avoid Discussing the Divorce With Everyone

Many will want to talk about your situation, your partner, or other divorced couples, sometimes with good intentions, thinking you need to vent.

But constant rehashing drains your energy and weakens you. Live in the present, close the door firmly, and avoid dwelling in that emotional turmoil.

4. Maintain Your Dignity

After conflicts and arguments, don’t think you have nothing left to lose or resort to insults and humiliation. Your dignity is invaluable. Even at the lowest point, no matter how grim or repulsive life seems, resist self-destruction and climb out as quickly as possible.

5. Avoid Excesses Like Binge Drinking or Overeating

Don’t start smoking, reckless behavior, or overspending, which can lead to emotional and physical collapse. Imagine having already endured all that and moving forward free from headaches, weight gain, and shame.

6. Seek a Skilled Therapist If Needed

Choose a therapist focused on healing and progress, not one who traps you in past traumas or endless childhood analysis. Avoid getting stuck in the past, wasting money, and delaying your fresh start.

This chapter is over. A new one begins. Dwelling on the past is unnecessary.

7. Stop Overanalyzing and Start Taking Action

The more constructive activities you engage in, the stronger and happier you’ll become. Diversify your pursuits — don’t obsessively focus on just one area.

Work, learn, travel, exercise, socialize, read, watch inspiring content, and absorb new knowledge and skills.

8. Avoid Intimacy With Your Ex

This is a mistake.

9. Keep Peace With Family Members

In moments of frustration, you might seek permission to be harsh. Resist this temptation. Remind yourself: life is long. Don’t throw away relationships, especially with your children’s grandparents.

10. Socialize With the Opposite Sex, But Don’t Rush Into New Relationships

Only when you become the person you want to be with will you be ready for a new chapter. Your self-worth should not depend on being single or partnered. This is crucial.

11. Travel When Possible

Travel is excellent therapy — the best. Pack some tears if you must, then explore new places, enjoy foreign languages, and soak up beauty. No one knows your story there; you’re the author of a new journey. Pull yourself out of the swamp of past travels.

12. Write Down Your Feelings and Thoughts

Keep a journal and develop the habit of turning mental chaos into words. Set a small goal: write two pages or for ten minutes daily. Write freely, without worrying about style.

This exercise brings relief and restores order, often becoming a lasting companion.

Today, everything may seem dark and ominous: the ex-wife as a witch, the husband as a monster, youth gone, and the future uncertain. But trust me — in twelve months, perspectives will change.

At sixteen months, many exes consider rekindling their relationship. But "again" isn’t possible — only "anew." If that’s your path, proceed cautiously; you’ve been there before.

To everyone going through divorce, I wish wisdom, foresight, and, of course, a beautiful new life.

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