Understanding Children's Imaginative Tales: A Guide for Parents

We often share fairy tales with children and laugh together about their little fibs. Yet, sometimes, we adults become the naive listeners, captivated by our beloved child's vivid stories about unbelievable adventures at preschool or unfair remarks from teachers. Later, we discover that their version is, to put it mildly, a creative reinterpretation.

Reflecting on my childhood, I was responsible for picking up my younger brother, Andryusha, from kindergarten. One day, just before the New Year holidays, his teacher quietly asked if we could invite our father to perform at the children's morning event. I was surprised, wondering how a journalist could entertain little kids.

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I'll ask him. But usually, my dad is very busy at the end of the year."
"I understand," the teacher said. "Rehearsals, morning shows, plays, performances..."
"What rehearsals?" I asked again, surprised. "Our dad is an editor."

Then it was the teacher's turn to be surprised:
"Oh, Andryusha, what a storyteller! He told everyone his dad works as a clown in the circus!"

Another story comes from sixth grade, when my classmate Tolya, who struggled academically, shared a "terrible secret." He claimed to have uncovered a criminal gang involved in child abductions. For proof, he secretly showed me their hideouts and escape routes. I remember entering my apartment building with fear and even asking my grandmother to meet me. Two months later, the gang was "eliminated," naturally with Tolya's direct involvement.

So, not only Tom Sawyer fooled Aunt Polly by showing a scratched finger and claiming gangrene.

Children usually start inventing stories around ages 3 to 4, and by 5 or 6, their imagination flourishes as they blur the lines between reality and fantasy. They both believe and doubt that Santa Claus visits at night, that Saint Nicholas leaves gifts in stockings, that Baba Yaga appears in holiday plays, and that dolls come alive and talk to each other at night.

Play scenarios become real: toys "need to eat," "get sick," and toy guns and grenades "really" defeat opponents, and so on.

For example, six-year-old Sergey convinces his four-year-old sister that a bear cub lives under the floor and can transform into a boy.

"When you say the magic word 'tooroot,' Misha becomes me, and I go under the floor," the imaginative boy explains. "Look: 'tooroot!' Now I'm not me but Misha. And I went under the floor."

His amazed sister gazes wide-eyed at her brother-turned-bear.

Fortunately, this is not lying but innocent, naive, and selfless childlike fantasy, often reflecting a vivid imagination. However, sometimes children fabricate stories to fill gaps in their world with desired elements. For instance, my "proper" dad rarely joked or played with little Andryusha, which might explain why my brother imagined our father as a clown.

Often, children's fabrications stem from a desire for attention. Like Tolya, who "exposed" a criminal gang. Without academic success or classroom respect, he likely sought a way to assert himself.

Children also fantasize because they don't receive answers to their questions from adults. This leads to amusing misunderstandings, like Ksyusha, who told her teacher, "Because our dad is an alcoholic," when asked why her father rarely picked her up from kindergarten. She confused the word "workaholic," used by her mother to explain her busy, non-drinking father’s late hours.

Psychologists note that lonely, introverted children tend to fantasize more, yet many grow into creatively gifted individuals.

How to Engage with Your Child’s Imaginative Stories?

Don’t get upset or frustrated when your child openly fantasizes. Avoid labeling them a "liar" or reacting with panic, such as "What will happen to you next?"

- Understand why your child invents stories. For example, a boy might imagine himself as a superhero defeating enemies because he feels physically weak. A girl might tell tales about Buratino not wanting to sleep and hiding under the bed to amuse her classmates because she dislikes nap time.

- Channel your child's imagination into creativity. When hearing another story, encourage them by saying, "That’s wonderful! Your story could become a great fairy tale. Try writing or drawing it!" This redirects their inventiveness into literary or artistic achievements.

Important! A fantasist can become a daydreamer. If a child avoids overcoming challenges by retreating into illusions, they may struggle to adapt to real life. Such children need gentle guidance back to reality.

While fantasy is harmless, lying is not. Research by educators, psychologists, and medical professionals shows that adults often contribute to children's dishonesty. Adults insist on truthfulness but may punish harshly when hearing the truth, prompting clever children like Tom Sawyer to twist facts, omit details, or lie.

Fear of punishment is a key reason children lie. For example, a schoolchild who enjoys discussing new tech or playing soccer with friends after class might face scolding: "Don’t you know you should be home by 2:30, having lunch and doing homework?" Ironically, such reprimands increase lying. Next time, you might hear your child had an extra class or needed to visit the library. Conversely, families that avoid constant criticism and listen empathetically reduce reasons for dishonesty.

Another significant cause, especially among teenagers, is fear of misunderstanding. This leads them to use indirect tactics. For example, teens wanting to try beer might ask for money for "ice cream" or "notebooks." A teen in love might invent stories about buying atlases or scanning reports to cover gifts for their crush.

And shame plays a role! After failing a test, a child might say, "Nobody in class did well, just two or three bookworms!"

Parental egoism and insensitivity also trigger childhood lies. Parents often treat their child’s problems as unacceptable incidents. Poor grades, torn pants, unfinished chores, or uneaten school sandwiches lead to harsh criticism: "That’s unacceptable!" "That’s ugly!" "How can you listen to that music?" and so forth.

Children find themselves under strict scrutiny and resort to self-defense. They want to avoid punishment, ridicule, and situations where they appear foolish. Lying becomes a tactical shield. They erase unwanted diary pages, invent stories, or fake illnesses to resolve conflicts with minimal damage.

Sometimes deceit is the only way to achieve goals or bypass restrictions. For example, a boy who didn’t want a haircut wrapped his head in a bandage, telling his teacher he hurt himself falling down stairs.

It’s worth noting that some lies—whether by children or adults—can be justified, especially when related to politeness and etiquette, such as not tattling or keeping friends’ secrets.

How to Address Your Child’s Fabrications?

• Try to understand your child, reduce criticism and pressure, and minimize reasons for dishonesty.

• Reflect on your own behavior: consider what you might have said or done that encouraged your child to be crafty. Recall your own childhood lies to empathize with your child’s feelings.

• Avoid provoking further lies with tricky questions demanding confessions; don’t conduct interrogations or trials.

• Set a good example by avoiding your own lies, such as asking someone to falsely say you’re not home. Keep promises or explain honestly when you cannot fulfill them.

• Frequently praise your child and show your love. Avoid comparing them unfavorably to others.

Important! Compliant children quickly learn that lying is wrong; ambitious kids respond well to appeals to their pride and self-respect; shy children require gentle but consistent guidance to overcome dishonesty.

Some children are pathological liars, a rare innate condition affecting about two to three per 10,000 kids, making correction difficult.

Photo: Getty Images

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