Understanding Broken Families: Meaning, Causes, and Healing Strategies

Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer with experience at TODAY on NBC and CBS News, contributing to numerous magazines.

Even families that seem perfect on the surface can face challenges, and navigating these difficulties isn’t always straightforward. In severe situations, unresolved issues can lead to estrangement, where family members become distant or disconnected for extended periods.

Commonly referred to as broken families, estrangement can stem from a variety of factors unique to each family’s circumstances. To delve deeper into what causes these divides and how to address them, Verywell Mind consulted Dr. Frank Anderson, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist specializing in trauma treatment.

"A broken family is characterized by unhealthy or severed relationships within the family unit," Anderson explains. "While often linked to divorce, estrangement can also occur within intact families when members experience conflict or disconnection."

Key Reasons Behind Family Estrangement

Although every family dynamic is distinct, Dr. Anderson highlights several frequent causes of estrangement among relatives:

• Abuse: This includes sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. Abuse often results from underlying issues like mental health challenges and can cause deep relational trauma, making forgiveness difficult.
• Mental Health Challenges: Mental illness or substance use problems affecting either party can contribute to estrangement. Addressing these issues through therapy is crucial before attempting reconciliation.
• Financial Conflicts: Money matters, such as overspending, financial control, or inheritance disputes, frequently strain family ties. Open and honest communication can often help resolve these conflicts.
• Divergent Beliefs: Differences in political, religious, or personal values can lead to disrespect and division if not managed with kindness.
• Boundary Violations: Immediate family members like parents or siblings sometimes cross personal boundaries. Clearly communicating and respecting these limits is essential.
• Overbearing Parenting: Parents or guardians who exert excessive control can impact adult children’s lives negatively, necessitating honest conversations about boundaries.
• Unwillingness to Apologize: Refusal to acknowledge mistakes or apologize can deepen family rifts, especially when all perspectives have been considered.

Identifying Unhealthy Family Relationships and Deciding When to Repair

Honesty about the past nature of the relationship is vital. Was it positive and meaningful, or dominated by toxicity? If the former, working towards healing may be worthwhile.

Dr. Anderson notes, "Broken families can heal when members are willing to listen, share perspectives openly, and work collaboratively to resolve conflicts."

Steps to Rebuild Family Bonds

Successful reconciliation requires both parties to avoid defensiveness and be open to hearing difficult truths. Honest communication about feelings is key.

Understanding the difference between merely hearing and truly listening is important. If discussions become unsafe or too heated, it’s acceptable to pause or end the conversation.

Engaging a neutral third-party mediator can facilitate productive dialogue. "A mediator can set boundaries and guide the conversation to ensure respectful communication," says Anderson.

Accepting When It’s Time to Let Go

Sometimes, ending a family relationship is the healthiest choice, especially when toxicity, abuse, or refusal to seek help persist.

Forgiveness can be a personal journey independent of reconciliation. It promotes inner peace even if contact with the family member ends.

"Forgiveness is an internal process that doesn’t require the other person’s involvement to be meaningful or lasting," Anderson emphasizes.

Therapy can support individuals through the emotional process of ending relationships and finding peace.

"Within a supportive therapeutic environment, it’s possible to process, release, and forgive family members who have caused pain, even without ongoing contact," says Anderson.

How Family Therapy Facilitates Healing

A Final Note from Verywell

Family relationships are complex, and conflicts are inevitable. Often, healing comes through communication, forgiveness, and professional support. However, some family units remain fractured despite efforts, leading to estrangement.

Setting healthy boundaries protects your well-being and prevents further emotional harm.

Moving beyond past hurts is achievable and beneficial. Whether forgiving for personal peace or to restore connections, prioritizing your mental health is paramount.

• Living Well
• Relationships

Written by Brittany Loggins
Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer with a background at TODAY on NBC and CBS News, contributing to various magazines.

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