How to Prepare Your Older Child for the Arrival of a New Baby

Having a second child might seem easier the second time around. You’ve already experienced morning sickness, fetal movements, labor, and sleepless nights. Your older child might even be chatting about abstract topics or getting ready for school.

However, alongside familiar experiences, new emotional challenges often arise—especially feelings of jealousy from the older sibling towards the newborn.

It’s common for the older child to act differently after the baby arrives. They might suddenly want a pacifier like the baby, ask to be held more often, or even resist potty training, insisting on diapers. This behavior stems from the stress of feeling displaced. Once the center of attention—the cherished joy of parents and grandparents—the older child now faces sharing that spotlight with a tiny, crying bundle in the crib.

In the early days, exhausted parents often focus on the newborn’s needs, leaving less attention for the older child. But is there a way to ease this adjustment and make it less painful for everyone?

1. Choose the Right Moment to Talk
   Make sure to gently inform your older child about the upcoming sibling. You don’t need to use the term “younger sibling” right away. Avoid rushing to announce your pregnancy in the nursery with excitement. It’s best to wait until after the first trimester when early pregnancy symptoms have subsided. This helps prevent your older child from associating the baby with any discomfort or mood changes you may have experienced.

2. Create a Story Together
   Craft a tale based on your older child’s favorite story, introducing a new character symbolizing the baby. If imagination allows, invent an entirely new story. If your child enjoys drawing, create illustrations together. Use classic storytelling techniques like repetition or invent your own unique style. Make sure the story includes your trip to the hospital and the joyful return home. Later, when you really go to the hospital, remind your child of this story.

3. Reinforce the Power of a Mother’s Love
   Casually remind your child—this can start even before pregnancy—that a mother’s love is magical and unlimited. It doesn’t decrease with more children; instead, it grows, ensuring there’s enough love for everyone, including dad.

4. Engage All Communication Channels
   Identify your child’s preferred way of receiving information. Are they visual, auditory, or tactile learners? For a visual child, saying “Mom, look!” means they respond best to seeing. An auditory child might say “Mom, listen!” and absorb information through sound. Tactile children love to touch and explore objects. Use these preferences to connect effectively. Incorporate drawing pictures, telling stories aloud, or using a pregnant doll. If your child wants to place their ear on your belly or gently touch it, encourage this bonding moment.

5. Highlight Positive Changes
   Regularly talk about how life will become more exciting after the baby arrives. Emphasize that mom will be home more often, allowing for more playtime and walks together, eliminating long waits for her to return from work.

6. Make the Waiting Period Enjoyable
   Take your older child shopping for a gift to welcome the new baby, letting them choose something special. When preparing your hospital bag, include a small gift from the baby to the older sibling. Remember, though, that gifts alone won’t solve all challenges—ongoing effort is needed to maintain harmony.

7. Watch for Signs of Distress
   Your older child may show affection toward the baby and help out, but if they start biting nails, sucking thumbs, or wetting the bed, they might be craving more attention. Try to adjust your schedule to spend quality time with them. Don’t hesitate to accept help from caregivers or family members. If no help is offered, proactively seek support to balance your responsibilities.

Be mindful of your language—avoid phrases like “You should be ashamed; you’re already big and grown-up.” Your older child isn’t suddenly more mature just because a sibling has arrived. No matter how tired you feel, smooth over tensions by emphasizing unity with phrases like “our family,” “our wonderful children,” and “we.”

Above all, remember that you welcomed your second child for yourself as much as for your family. Frequently express your love for both children, keep the atmosphere light with humor, and carve out moments for self-care to recharge and embrace your identity as a woman. A calm and rested mother is better equipped to handle challenges as they arise.

Photo credit: Legion Media

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